Mysticism 101c- The Ability to See One’s Self Clearly Without Distortion

The ability to see one’s self clearly without distortion is not an easy task and well that’s for you guys to figure out but this is about me, so if you get something out of it hooray for you.
 
The trouble with me  
Which made problematic mostly  
A serial dater no long-terms really was  
My flat personality  
Very theoretical  
If my physicality didn’t ruin it my brain sure did  
My attitude  
Sulky  
(Which same sex loving women tend to extend that courtesy to each other)  
Stand offish  
Defensive  
Afraid of  
Getting got  
Out there  
In them streets,  
Emotionally deflective  
There’s always  
A better body  
And better face  
Coming up right behind you  
And uh whatever game  
Your running  
Is not going to last long  
Now, some of these girls have yet  
To figure that one out  
You think you got some  
Fucking  
Queen Jojobo  
Some transformative  
Works  
Between your legs  
For men, women whoever you’re doing  
That is guaranteed  
To spare your feelings  
No. You don't.
No 3 am revelations  
For the man in me-  
Skeptical about everything  
Some shit you have to be  
Judgmental about because  
We all know what happens  
When ya don’t exercise  
Good judgement  
Sometimes being pulled  
In too many directions by  
Too many things  
People-peers/colleagues, friends, associates, co-workers, roommates, professors, parents, life, school course load, work, career objectives, thesis hanging in the balance, social life- one bitch ran circles around us (push/pull rare case but aspiration was too preoccupied to catch it), my bills, my upkeep, Marilyn Manson was bumping (We had to psyche ourselves out to walk up in some of those places like a pin hoist in the wall at night), get a this, get a that, be a cultural player in the game, go that way, no this way. We would have done “better” if logic had gotten away from everybody except my Mother- Hap-hazard didn’t have that kinda sense just yet (how much can 1 person take?) Some people can take a lot-look around at some of the stories; optionally: electively. How many kids? How many divorces? Making a powerhouse a weakling. I don’t know how they’re doing it. They don’t know how they’re doing it either; everybody is an expert in their respective areas-truly.  
Can be a contributing  
Genetic factor;  
That just killed me off  
The environment, yet  
It didn’t prevent me  
From reciprocating  
At least but  
(Passive aggressive-  
We didn’t initiate anything, ever  
Until secured)  
Still convinced  
We were grieving  
For the future  
All that shit above was indicative  
Of something much larger  
Pervading society.