"The Flawed Girl Is Ranting - Part Five"

You linger like perfume, sting like ice, burn like a bullet. Can we help you? I think we could, if we work together--oh there I go again saying 'we' instead of 'me'. Pain increases and I see the stretching frown, I see past that disguise so let me tell you how to get by. Let my hands fix you, let my lips love you, let my heart be the cure. You are all I really need but sometimes it's you who needs me.

Tell me, oh, tell me the reason this is happening prove this is my fault because I know, oh, I know that it is. Why do I do this to myself--tear me apart. Senses fail and I fall into dark, oh fall into dark because I don't know where to begin, oh, to begin. Looks inside and see the love that I let you in, oh, I let you in. Don't forget that we are different and--does he look at you the way that I do? Does he smile at you like I do? Does he love you the way that I do? Love just stop and think about it! Oh, no one loves you as much as I do, oh no, no one loves you as much as I do.

I fall too fast and only you can stop me, I noticed that this was my fault. I leave, I come, I go, why do I have to go, oh, go? Please let me stay here with you and I know you say that I am the only one but you say you love him as much as you do me. But how is that possible when he doesn't know you as I do? Oh wait he knows you more then I do. I heard. Oh, oh no. Blue lips kiss mine and I cry my last tears in front of you. Oh, oh no. I feel I'm falling again--behind a mask.

Just give me some space to breathe, give me some room so I can expand this shell. All I really need is to breathe. Please, just let me have some space. Oh, oh no. I push and push you away but I love you too much and I fall to my knees. I chase you down the corridor to find a dead end, damn I'm sinking. No, no, no how many times do I tell myself I am not the reason this is happening when it's so obvious. Slight hate to me I feel it--look in the mirror what's that? Oh that girl I try not to be, the one I hate.

Her eyes, her lips, her face, her shape, her brain, her life--it's so tiring. Slowly hating me more and more as I see that I am the reason. Oh! Yes, I see that now that I am the reason you are leaving though you say you aren't--yes I see it. Me, it's always me, I'm the bad guy because I'm-I'm-I'm my own, my own, my own worst enemy! Look at the mess that I create, please accept my sorry, my pleading to see that it's all my fault but you already know that.

Sitting in a hallway now, torn to pieces, I just left but now I'm back and all alone. How much time has passed--God you know that I love you but this kills, I give you all my heart yet you need his. Why, oh, why, oh, why am I not enough and I don't mean to hurt I just want to be heard. This isn't about me though. Take my hand, please, just, take my hand and let him go. He isn't yours because you are mine--why am I not enough.

Never good enough, that's selfish on my part I'm sorry, let me fall well look at the ground oncoming! I'll try my best, my best, yes I'll try my best for you. Because I'm devoted to you and even though I want to scream at the thought of you two I know he will never have what I have. The little kisses, tangled hands, and loving nights. Waking up next to you, sleeping in your arms, and that setting free. Whispered words, echoed wanting, please sta-ay.

Wake up in the morning, it's not that bad, I still taste you on my lips--it makes me sad. I wish you were here to hold me and tell me that everything will be a-alright. Do I have to cry o-out? No, no, oh God my heart is stolen by you and your hands are heavy so you have to let go. Let go of him and hold onto me because the longer this lasts... Do I have to cry o-out? No, no, oh find me in my room with a rainy day, my heart is breaking. I'm still holding on and I'll wait until the dark is gone. I wait, wait until the dark is gone. Do I have to cry o-out? No, no, oh cause I'll wait forever if that's what it takes to be with you.

This song, it takes forever to write, no beat, no singing along, no bouncing ball, just me talking to you. Don't tell me that he looks at you the way that I do, that he smiles at you like I do. Don't tell me that he loves you like I do. If you mean it, please God no, if you mean it when you say you love him the way you love me; you might just feel my heart break. Because you said it was just a crush. Just a crush. Tell me am I crazy? Or is this more then a crush.

I stutter, I'm not good at this, I love you, that is all, but it's not enough, no not at all. I'm gonna fight it, yeah I am, but if you want me to stop, I will, I'll leave you alone. My words, they all come out wrong, I love you, that is all, but it's not enough, no not at all. I know it's my fault, yeah it is, just don't you dare deny it babe, you know, you know it's true. Run circles, until we all fall dead, I love you, that is all, but it's not enough, no not at all.

You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me. You are my love life, my air, my music, my art, my lovely assistant in life, mine, all mine. I wanna break your grip on him, heart aches and slowly yearning. Were gonna get through this, yeah I know, this will all be over but what about until then? You can hang out, you can talk and laugh, you're allowed to be with him and I must suffer. But that's okay. You won't ever read this, I'm sorry. You'll hate me, you'll hate me if you ever do.

I told you I was writing songs again when really I'm just writing this one. Too long for a beat, too long for a song, too long for music, too long to read. Everything you say is so warm to me, even though it hurts, you love me, I know that's clear. I guess I'm just being selfish, but I'm torn anyway and I love you much more then you will ever know. I didn't write this in anger towards you, could never hate you bellibone, or be mad. I'm hurt. And I'd rather do this then hurt myself.

Let me tell you something about hearts, they fake, they cry and weep, love me love you, can you see? Let me try to make you see, please, just take a look. I'm ready, are you? I need this to stop I don't know how long I can wait--I wanna run, run, run, run away. Oh, I can feel it, I see now that hearts beat slowly, so slowly.

I'm so sorry but I love you too much to shake this off.