Unanswered

What am I waiting for?        
my needs I just ignore          
surround myself with lovely things,       
my smile is on the floor.    
          
I’ve not yet left the nest          
and some say I am blessed,    
from outside you may be right          
inside, I'm still depressed.          
     
I feel I've failed in life          
craving the afterlife           
this constant pressure to be better          
internal battle strife.          
     
Why do I complain?          
what is there to gain?          
slap myself into submission,          
surely turn insane.      
         
Where do I begin?          
start looking within?          
this demon tries to choke me dead          
just take it on the chin?          
     
I used to think I’m smart,         
my mind has come apart          
with every word, my throat clogs up    
*thump* my bleeding heart.