One Autumn Night

I’m sitting alone in this damp street
 
No one but me and the moonbeams
 
Stars are shyly showing off their dazzling charm
 
The wind is passionately touching the tree’s silhouette
 
I'm silently watching them dancing to my mute melancholy
 
My volcano is strangely so wise tonight
 
My earthquake is finally constant
 
My tsunami is completely dry
 
No damaged fantasy
 
No query for a smashed memory
 
October’s moon is so plump
 
No more you within its sheen
 
I know, it’s a temporary truce
 
Between hate and love
 
I know I’ll crave you by noon
 
Yes I'm in the loop
 
But at this point, I'm over my love disaster  
 
I'm missing you right now but I don’t lust for you
 
Obviously I'm thinking about you
 
But at this moment I don’t wanna behold you
 
You who carelessly watched me making out with sadness
 
And proudly locked me in the cage of loneliness
 
You who promised to keep me warm inside your chest
 
You who ghosted me with a cheap finesse
 
Instead of painting the vibrant amber, yellows, and reds of our 4th autumn
 
I'm writing the end of our finis chapter
 
Darling, I'm not hating you
 
But I'm not forgiving myself for loving you
 
For sending all my starry prayers only to you
 
For forgetting myself just to remember you
 
For sucking your anxiety just to hearten you
 
For dating the night just to meet you
 
For faking my satisfaction just to delight you
 
For believing the masquerade written by you
 
For cutting off what I needed and gave it to you
 
But I was invisible in your cold fortress
 
Where I thought I’d loose it with the flame of my romance
 
I was thrown away in your wizened forest
 
Where I believed I was your red tulips
 
In the end, I was your first falls leaf that fell from your sick tree
 
And set it free with a grip of an icy wind
 
Tonight, I'm lost on this wet sidewalk
 
Somewhere out of your zone
 
Aloof place where my broken heart was buried
 
I remember, you were my Bethlehem’s star
 
Everything was ridden by your shade
 
And I was a fool for believing that I was your sun
 
Sure, Love was never happy by my side
 
I lied to myself and now I’m paying off the debt
 
Tonight I'm stripping off my soul from its last ill hope
 
Tonight I'm on my knees apologizing to these sparkly creatures
 
For absorbing their spiritual energy
 
In order to protect who left me murdered
 
 By the ghost of him
 
Who’s still dwelling within me
 
Tonight I'm dimming between these moving clouds
 
Losing myself to this wistful breeze
 
Weaving my torn spirit with hued autumnal notes
 
Before waking up from this dream
 
And back to beg my heart to stop begging you
 
Tomorrow I’ll fall again, break down again, and get rejected again
 
But tonight I'm giving up on my life
 
This life called ‘YOU’…