Letter to my 21 year old self

‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍Don't change yourself to fit the world
you're beautiful the way you are
and the path you choose to walk now
will either lead you to liberation or heartbreak
but let's not kid each other
we both know which path you're going to choose
and it won't be the path of liberation

'Cause you always do things the hard way
and pain is an addiction you can't get enough of
though you'll eventually learn not everything
that is worth it, is painful
and self-deprecating self-hatred
is not the same as humility

You will learn to love yourself
but self-love isn't part of your current philosophy
you're too busy wondering
how you can fit into a world
that will judge you for things
Outside of your control

And you might be sober now
but in less than 2 years
you'll be trying to drink yourself to death
cause you don't know how to accept yourself
and no amount of soul searching
will give you an answer
that will tell you you're meant for conformity
you think labels will liberate you
and make your life make sense
but you're wrong
you don't need someone elses words
to justify your existence

The world holds more beauty and more pain than you can imagine
you'll fall in love with ghosts
and people you've never met
you'll fall so far down
you won't be sure how you can get back up
but you will get back up
and it might take a while
but you'll learn that "no" is not a dirty word
and that your life belongs to you

Who you are and what you want
is worth fighting for
and I wish I could have told you that decades ago
but I didn't
so I'm telling you now
you are good enough
unconditionally

© Indie Adams 2018