Shower cries

With a fresh  white towel and wash rag in hand I head for privacy,  
In the bathing room I close the door and glance at who the world believes is me,  
I undress slowly shirt over head and down my pants and undies,  
Again glancing at the nude I, reflecting  in the mirror,  
steam fills the room,
until my vision isn't as clear,  
I enter the shower and instantly feel pain as the dirt washes from my pores,  
So does the tears  that began to pore,
only hear in my nude , behind closed locked  doors
can I be vulnerable,    
Cause only here does such a strong man being weak seem suitable  
So I cry , tears blending with the  showers flow,    
Fist pounding on the shower walls as I let go,  
All that was building up, suppressed, covered in fake smiles, and lonely hellos,  
I hug myself
something I need so much to remind myself  to never let go,  
I muffle my own screams, as steam forms haunting visions of never to come dreams,  
I cry and cry and cry  
Asking why oh why oh why  
But no one answers cause in my gloom there is only I,  
As I break I lose all fight and only now sadly do I begin to feel alright,  
I embrace my sadness,  the darkness of loneliness becomes home,  
Surprising the relief that giving up brings isn't always known,  
Only now after tears have stop falling do I turn the water off,  
Grab the towel and began to dry off,  
I tie the towel around my waste and exit being sure to have left behind in the shower the pains, doubts and whys ,  
Knowing that the shower will hide any idea of my shower cries....