deepundergroundpoetry.com
How I Like My Coffee
Strong enough to lift me, a marionette who only feels when strings are plucked
Collecting dust in a closet coffin
Listening to muffled life on the outside
Strong enough to propell me, figurehead, cutting sea stretched taught before my prow
Wood wearing, beaten numb by waves
Praying for dock and harbor
Strong enough to press diamonds in my kidneys
Passing through internal waterways that tingle but never burn
Sewers hiding secrets, silent in a shadow cloak
Strong enough to give me power over things that render me powerless
to put time in a chokehold and catch my fading youth in a cup
subverting the metaphysical will of god, and rewriting the code of reality
Strong enough to alert my brain to every underling agony
and bitter enough to purge the pain by comparison
Bitter as the hour before sorrow seems the next day, looking out on a sea of grief without end
Bitter enough to fix my lack of resolve
to rectify my crooked pallette's expectations,
distract me through the tiny tragedy of waking.
Collecting dust in a closet coffin
Listening to muffled life on the outside
Strong enough to propell me, figurehead, cutting sea stretched taught before my prow
Wood wearing, beaten numb by waves
Praying for dock and harbor
Strong enough to press diamonds in my kidneys
Passing through internal waterways that tingle but never burn
Sewers hiding secrets, silent in a shadow cloak
Strong enough to give me power over things that render me powerless
to put time in a chokehold and catch my fading youth in a cup
subverting the metaphysical will of god, and rewriting the code of reality
Strong enough to alert my brain to every underling agony
and bitter enough to purge the pain by comparison
Bitter as the hour before sorrow seems the next day, looking out on a sea of grief without end
Bitter enough to fix my lack of resolve
to rectify my crooked pallette's expectations,
distract me through the tiny tragedy of waking.
Published 9th Sep 2018
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likes 5
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comments 3
reads 684
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
9th Sep 2018 6:06pm
You are very quickly making an exceptionally good impression on my reading skills. Bravo.
The rhythm of this piece actually reminds me very much of the observational qualities of Rilke. It has this underlying darkness to it which is so subtle, it merges perfectly into the words.
As honest critique is requested, one thing I would maybe look at is the repetition of the word ‘bitter’ in the last stanzas. The three fold repetition of this word drags it a little towards the end, but it’s an easy fix with a little tweaking. This is just an observational opinion.
The tiny tragedy of waking at the end though... what a finisher. Kept me focused from start to finish with its introspection. Wonderful, really.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
The rhythm of this piece actually reminds me very much of the observational qualities of Rilke. It has this underlying darkness to it which is so subtle, it merges perfectly into the words.
As honest critique is requested, one thing I would maybe look at is the repetition of the word ‘bitter’ in the last stanzas. The three fold repetition of this word drags it a little towards the end, but it’s an easy fix with a little tweaking. This is just an observational opinion.
The tiny tragedy of waking at the end though... what a finisher. Kept me focused from start to finish with its introspection. Wonderful, really.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
9th Sep 2018 6:09pm
16th Sep 2018 2:37pm
