deepundergroundpoetry.com
Devil
I have held death so many times,
The smell still resonates from my skin.
Warmth from within has become naught but a distant memory,
I am cold.
My eyes have beheld tragedies of legend,
I have done horrible things.
The ghosts of my past haunt me still,
My hands are forever stained with anger.
I can never wash away the guilt,
I would eat a gun if i felt i deserved heaven.
The smell still resonates from my skin.
Warmth from within has become naught but a distant memory,
I am cold.
My eyes have beheld tragedies of legend,
I have done horrible things.
The ghosts of my past haunt me still,
My hands are forever stained with anger.
I can never wash away the guilt,
I would eat a gun if i felt i deserved heaven.
Published 28th Aug 2018
Author's Note
I draw inspiration from my own life and experiences. I use metaphors and symbolism often. My biggest influence would have to be my own plagued mind.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 366
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
7th Sep 2018 7:53pm
I have to say this was a good read. As I read this a few times ideas came to mind on how to making it move a bit smoother. There is not much to change or move around really but small changes make a difference. You don't have to take my suggestions since they are only that and after all this is your write. So here goes....
<>=delete
*=insert
I have held death
<so> many times*over*,
The smell still resonates
*deep within* my skin.
Warmth has become naught,
but a distant memory,
I am cold.
My eyes have beheld tragedies
*worthy*of legend,
I have done horrible things.
ghosts *from* my past
*still*haunt me <still>,
*These* hands are forever stained with anger.
I can never wash away the guilt,
I would eat a gun if i deserved heaven.
So then it would read as follows when the changes are in place...
Devil
I have held death
many times over.
The smell still resonates
deep within my skin.
Warmth has become naught,
but a distant memory,
I am cold.
My eyes have beheld tragedies
worthy of legend.
I have done horrible things.
Ghosts from my past
still haunt me,
These hands are forever stained with anger.
I can never wash away the guilt,
I would eat a gun if I deserved heaven.
Again only a suggestion! 99% all you! Honestly I think it is more then that. 🙂
Hope to see more writings from you!
Also, welcome to DU!!
<>=delete
*=insert
I have held death
<so> many times*over*,
The smell still resonates
*deep within* my skin.
Warmth has become naught,
but a distant memory,
I am cold.
My eyes have beheld tragedies
*worthy*of legend,
I have done horrible things.
ghosts *from* my past
*still*haunt me <still>,
*These* hands are forever stained with anger.
I can never wash away the guilt,
I would eat a gun if i deserved heaven.
So then it would read as follows when the changes are in place...
Devil
I have held death
many times over.
The smell still resonates
deep within my skin.
Warmth has become naught,
but a distant memory,
I am cold.
My eyes have beheld tragedies
worthy of legend.
I have done horrible things.
Ghosts from my past
still haunt me,
These hands are forever stained with anger.
I can never wash away the guilt,
I would eat a gun if I deserved heaven.
Again only a suggestion! 99% all you! Honestly I think it is more then that. 🙂
Hope to see more writings from you!
Also, welcome to DU!!
12th Dec 2018 9:39pm
Thank you so much i appreciate the feedback. yeah i see what you mean i like the mini edit you did lol i really do appreciate anything i can get to make my work better :)
22nd Dec 2018 9:34pm
''I would eat a gun if i felt i deserved heaven.''
This gave me great chills, just loving it.
This gave me great chills, just loving it.
22nd Dec 2018 9:39pm
Thank you! That means a lot to me. that line really came from a dark part of me
