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C'mon Mista
Her eyes
were made out of frozen rain
and when the girl
teased her robe to the floor
I gasped...
even time might never tarnish
that kind of perfection
but it was too hot for Spring
and I knew even love
would never bring the thaw
The owner of beauty like that
needed more than roses
to melt the ice of her own slavery
Through the boom years in Bangkok
I guess I'd always dreamed her
dancing in another's body
She'd always been drifting towards me
stalking the shadows of my heart
And after two years
I'd grown tired
playing a dumb hopeless hunter,
gutless gun poked half way up my own ass
It was time to start living again
so long after Elena's death
You demand description
but I am lost for words
for there was only a single,
silent gesture
from the shaky edge
of our two divided worlds--
Elena nodded: 'Yes'
and then it was down to business
with the girl
"C'mon Mista,
you give me big tip
for best ride of your life"
Counting the notes with a smile
her voice sang,
slow and beautiful:
"Honey-bee, come buzzin'
there's honey in my jar
it's sweeter than your money
ride me faster than your car"
I watched the sway of her
naturally tanned breasts
pierced nipples double bouncing
gently brushing my outstretched fingers
and while her squirtiest angel
promised to gush in my ear,
juicy peaches and cream
delicately buttered
the softest edges of my tongue
I felt her power owning me
in my gut an awesome pent up thunder
sure to wipe out the remainder of the universe
at least for the next hour,
maybe longer
if I could deal my cards correctly
And I noticed
when the bean swelled hotter,
its sneaky jewel glistening in a goddess sky
there was a flicker of laughter in her eyes
before she gushed out her glory
soaking yet another
slightly poorer American tourist
still crazy for a long dead wife
who had watched him down the years
crying in the coldest corners
of every empty hotel room
her ghost undecided until now
about whose fate
was worse
"Honey-bee, come buzzin'
there's honey in my jar
sweeter than your money
ride me faster than your car"
were made out of frozen rain
and when the girl
teased her robe to the floor
I gasped...
even time might never tarnish
that kind of perfection
but it was too hot for Spring
and I knew even love
would never bring the thaw
The owner of beauty like that
needed more than roses
to melt the ice of her own slavery
Through the boom years in Bangkok
I guess I'd always dreamed her
dancing in another's body
She'd always been drifting towards me
stalking the shadows of my heart
And after two years
I'd grown tired
playing a dumb hopeless hunter,
gutless gun poked half way up my own ass
It was time to start living again
so long after Elena's death
You demand description
but I am lost for words
for there was only a single,
silent gesture
from the shaky edge
of our two divided worlds--
Elena nodded: 'Yes'
and then it was down to business
with the girl
"C'mon Mista,
you give me big tip
for best ride of your life"
Counting the notes with a smile
her voice sang,
slow and beautiful:
"Honey-bee, come buzzin'
there's honey in my jar
it's sweeter than your money
ride me faster than your car"
I watched the sway of her
naturally tanned breasts
pierced nipples double bouncing
gently brushing my outstretched fingers
and while her squirtiest angel
promised to gush in my ear,
juicy peaches and cream
delicately buttered
the softest edges of my tongue
I felt her power owning me
in my gut an awesome pent up thunder
sure to wipe out the remainder of the universe
at least for the next hour,
maybe longer
if I could deal my cards correctly
And I noticed
when the bean swelled hotter,
its sneaky jewel glistening in a goddess sky
there was a flicker of laughter in her eyes
before she gushed out her glory
soaking yet another
slightly poorer American tourist
still crazy for a long dead wife
who had watched him down the years
crying in the coldest corners
of every empty hotel room
her ghost undecided until now
about whose fate
was worse
"Honey-bee, come buzzin'
there's honey in my jar
sweeter than your money
ride me faster than your car"
Published 27th Oct 2011
| Edited 16th Jul 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 1008
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Oct 2011 1:35am
28th Oct 2011 10:47am
Well thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you enjoyed, but just telling me you like this poem is not helping me improve as a writer.
When you comment, try to give reasons for your likes or dislikes. If you are unable to suggest improvements then at least say what it was you enjoyed most.
Best ~ Abra
When you comment, try to give reasons for your likes or dislikes. If you are unable to suggest improvements then at least say what it was you enjoyed most.
Best ~ Abra
Anonymous
28th Oct 2011 1:04pm
This kind of free verse makes one fall for the form again; it's incredibly flowing and liberated. Your narrative rattles along at a breakneck pace, boasting a worldliness coupled with subtle depth and even the odd flash of cheeky, almost Benny Hill humour. There are so many strange and romantic lines the poem reads like Pablo Neruda. Among my favourites are "it's sneaky jewel glistening in a goddess sky" and "and I knew even love/would never bring the thaw/The owner of that stare/needed more than roses".
That last extract brings me to my usual complaint about your odd use of capitals, how some lines begin with them and others don't. I think your work could benefit from eschewing capitals altogether, even with singular "I"s.
My biggest complaint though is with the dialogue. I'm sorry Abra but it made me cringe. You may mean it as a satirical nod to the benignly racist way some westerners perceive Asians, in which case the fault lies with me, but I squirmed while reading it.
All JMHO, of course. Thanks for the read.
That last extract brings me to my usual complaint about your odd use of capitals, how some lines begin with them and others don't. I think your work could benefit from eschewing capitals altogether, even with singular "I"s.
My biggest complaint though is with the dialogue. I'm sorry Abra but it made me cringe. You may mean it as a satirical nod to the benignly racist way some westerners perceive Asians, in which case the fault lies with me, but I squirmed while reading it.
All JMHO, of course. Thanks for the read.
29th Oct 2011 9:07am
...which is trying to appeal to everyone, Jack.
Laugh or cry, love it or hate it - if you cringed and thought of Pablo Neruda then I have succeeded beyond expectation.
Appreciate the detail in your crit.
Best ~ Abra
Laugh or cry, love it or hate it - if you cringed and thought of Pablo Neruda then I have succeeded beyond expectation.
Appreciate the detail in your crit.
Best ~ Abra
