Finding Life In Smoking, Drinking and Screwing

Are you cheating on me? Yes, but I do
Not tell her that the other girls mean
Nothing to me. I wish that I could redo
It from the beginning, but I am seen
As an addict and I cannot change
That. I drink and smoke to escape
The pain. I use them to exchange
Pain for pleasure and every scrape
Is no longer felt because I am numb.
I wanted to forget all about her hazel
And lush green eyes. It is her glum
Mouth and it is her harsh appraisal
Of me that does not mean anything
Anymore. I do not even care if I flat
Line. Everyone thinks they can sting
And hurt me, but nothing has that
Power over me. I have lived the best
Life I could. If I find it in a bottle or
In smoke coming from my chest
I will not push it aside or ignore
The feeling it gives me of being free.
I am finally feeling like I can be me.