deepundergroundpoetry.com
NO RESPONSE
Look I’m sorry ok but I cant do much more but apologize,
I tried my hardest for you
but you only seemed to noticed that Chloe was doing good,
you have been upset every since last Monday in science,
I tried to apologize but you didn’t want my apology.
Now your upset and disappointed because I was rude to your sister in law
An because I was stupid for showing people in class the photo that was sent to me
I sent you a poem that I wrote but
I had no response from you…
Then I did it on paper an gave it to you
but again no response…
So I decided to ask you why you weren’t talking to me?
An if everything was ok with you?
but not yet again I got no reply…
I have tried again an again for you
but I seem to get no response from you
so now I know you have giving up on me
an that I have now given up me too.
My life in useless to everyone,
all I really wanted was your approval
I tried my hardest for you
but you only seemed to noticed that Chloe was doing good,
you have been upset every since last Monday in science,
I tried to apologize but you didn’t want my apology.
Now your upset and disappointed because I was rude to your sister in law
An because I was stupid for showing people in class the photo that was sent to me
I sent you a poem that I wrote but
I had no response from you…
Then I did it on paper an gave it to you
but again no response…
So I decided to ask you why you weren’t talking to me?
An if everything was ok with you?
but not yet again I got no reply…
I have tried again an again for you
but I seem to get no response from you
so now I know you have giving up on me
an that I have now given up me too.
My life in useless to everyone,
all I really wanted was your approval
Published 27th Oct 2011
| Edited 30th Oct 2011
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28th Oct 2011 2:50pm
this broke my heart and i pray this is not how you feel the only approval you need comes from within accept who you are
29th Oct 2011 11:12am
well the thing is i will always feel like this till my teacher does accept me, but thanx
Anonymous
- Edited 28th Oct 2011 3:18pm
28th Oct 2011 3:17pm
Tashi,
Im so glad you are writing from your heart, and have given the other stuff a miss.
This piece could be quite good, here are few pointers I picked up...
Line 6 : rude
Line 8 : You dont need "it"
Last Line : seperate into two lines like this...
My life is useless, (be carefull of the "in" should be "is")
all I wanted was your approval.
A couple of times you start sentences with "An" try "And" it will work much better.
Blue Skies to you & nice work!
Al -x-
Im so glad you are writing from your heart, and have given the other stuff a miss.
This piece could be quite good, here are few pointers I picked up...
Line 6 : rude
Line 8 : You dont need "it"
Last Line : seperate into two lines like this...
My life is useless, (be carefull of the "in" should be "is")
all I wanted was your approval.
A couple of times you start sentences with "An" try "And" it will work much better.
Blue Skies to you & nice work!
Al -x-
29th Oct 2011 5:23am
