deepundergroundpoetry.com
La La la...We Are Poetic
We see each other
Your lips part to speak
I breathe in the sounds you conjure
Soul recognition
In council
Dreamlike
Gentle falling
Into a sensuous tomb
I feel it
An elegant disaster forming
Divinity working between us
Spirit moving beyond flesh
And...
We are at its mercy
Your lips part to speak
I breathe in the sounds you conjure
Soul recognition
In council
Dreamlike
Gentle falling
Into a sensuous tomb
I feel it
An elegant disaster forming
Divinity working between us
Spirit moving beyond flesh
And...
We are at its mercy
Published 27th Oct 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 707
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Anonymous
27th Oct 2011 1:57pm
I like the phrase "sensuous tomb". That joining of sexuality and death is nice. Thanks for the read.
28th Oct 2011 00:11am
Anonymous
28th Oct 2011 4:34pm
Lots going on here but you're not giving much away. It smacks of doomed love (sensuous 'tomb'? - or were you thinking more of that vacuum which can occur between lovers, how the world disappears and they can almost telepathize? If so, 'tomb' is inappropriate.) Then again, 'elegant disaster forming' (very nice btw) just about seals it. Doomed love.
Nicely done, it's intriguing and if the mood you wanted to communicate was one of ruefulness - you succeeded.
If I had one suggestion it would be to rearrange the final couplet thus.
'And we ...
are at its mercy'
Good write. Welcome to DU btw. R.
Nicely done, it's intriguing and if the mood you wanted to communicate was one of ruefulness - you succeeded.
If I had one suggestion it would be to rearrange the final couplet thus.
'And we ...
are at its mercy'
Good write. Welcome to DU btw. R.
Anonymous
29th Jun 2014 11:34pm
Wow, that is really, Really good... I enjoyed it very much, it's short and sweet and packs a hell of a punch! Thank you for sharing it with us :)
