Love of wisdom

I wish it become easier
the more that you know.
That it would get better
the longer you go.
The peaks may get higher
but so deeper the lows.
Where is my joy,
for all of these woes?

I long for the day
my heart's without care
Not without love-
but without all the tears.
I continue to dream of this noble goal.
But the deep dark corners of my lonely despair,
have they managed to tarnish my soul?

If this is the price
this pain in my flesh
"For the joy is twice the pain
No more, no less".
Do I push onward? This journey in vain?
Or is this wilted wet heart just doing its best?