deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Love Poem
Stay away from me
Whore,
cause I don't love you
anymore.
You left me first
how can it be
you still remain
so close to me?
I know whats best
for both of us.
Stay away from me
you whore.
The time we shared
was time well spent.
How did you sink
beneath contempt?
Until the day
you broke my heart
I thought everything
was fine.
You lost my trust
the time that you
got drunk and fucked
another dude.
You really are
a ditzy bitch
if you thought
I wouldn't mind.
You said our love
would last forever,
you must have thought
yourself quite clever
the last laughs mine
I'm gone forever.
Stay away from me
you Whore.
Whore,
cause I don't love you
anymore.
You left me first
how can it be
you still remain
so close to me?
I know whats best
for both of us.
Stay away from me
you whore.
The time we shared
was time well spent.
How did you sink
beneath contempt?
Until the day
you broke my heart
I thought everything
was fine.
You lost my trust
the time that you
got drunk and fucked
another dude.
You really are
a ditzy bitch
if you thought
I wouldn't mind.
You said our love
would last forever,
you must have thought
yourself quite clever
the last laughs mine
I'm gone forever.
Stay away from me
you Whore.
Published 24th Dec 2009
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24th Dec 2009 4:42am
If anybody has any ideas about structure
or phrasing PLEASE let me know, with a bit of polish I think this could shine.
or phrasing PLEASE let me know, with a bit of polish I think this could shine.
Anonymous
25th Dec 2009 2:32am
The two middle stanza's could be halved to make four, and the last four lines pushed together; that way each verse would have four lines and the structure, I suppose, would look a bit cleaner.
On the whole, though, nice poem, probably suited more to the 'angst' than the 'love' category. The scattered rhyme is clever, and keeps the narrative ticking along quite well. Not one of your masterpieces, perhaps, but still a fine read:-)
On the whole, though, nice poem, probably suited more to the 'angst' than the 'love' category. The scattered rhyme is clever, and keeps the narrative ticking along quite well. Not one of your masterpieces, perhaps, but still a fine read:-)
25th Dec 2009 7:51am
27th Dec 2009 11:47am
"the last laughs mine
I'm gone forever."
My favourite part ^^
I love the way this poem shows anger as a reaction to being heartbroken instead of sadness & depression; it's a great change to the normal love poetry :)
I'm gone forever."
My favourite part ^^
I love the way this poem shows anger as a reaction to being heartbroken instead of sadness & depression; it's a great change to the normal love poetry :)
1st Jan 2010 10:21pm
Dude, just... WAUW!
I love this so much! Its amazing, and the anger behind it is blowing me away. Perfection.
I love this so much! Its amazing, and the anger behind it is blowing me away. Perfection.
2nd Jan 2010 00:21am
I got depressed but that only slowed me down.
Anger and hate drive me forward, energize me. It seems so much more logical to embrace them.
Anger and hate drive me forward, energize me. It seems so much more logical to embrace them.
