wanting to escape bad feelings

inside of her body lived quakes and shakes  
disruptions in her nervous system  
to much was going on for her to easily concentrate
her mind turned into a dreamy daze of faraway places
an attempt to escape the ugly madness  
and badness bursting in bubbles
 
at that present time she tried to fill her mind with light  
a simple way for her to fight the fright which lived inside  
she wished to run away
skate on a fast set of wheels to a new place in her mind  
 
she only had one aim
to run away speedily on skates
towards a better destination  
where she is ecstatic in her new found freedom  
 
here she was stuck and unable to move  
the volcano was standing still and heavily bursting  
despite her attempts at visualisations and calming chaos
she still stayed in a place of fear  
 
she felt like an ugly toad  
who wanted to feel like a beautiful lady in a silk dress
even her attempts at escapism led her nowhere
she couldn't even achieve a safe state speedily
 
what was she? some kind of failure?
now she was self criticising for not achieving her wishful dreams  
of living like a lady in a silk dress
with nothing but peace inside of her tender traumatised mind