deepundergroundpoetry.com
Flames Burn Quietly.
...was walking
(no particular reason)
- most the city would
call it a death-wish
looking in the eyes
of street men;
some wear jail time well
others, preparing for it
crossed the road.
Stood in the garden
of that lifeless church,
under a jacaranda tree
meaning something
in summer months.
The old building smells of piss
the concrete
flakes like paint;
pity they
don't flake together
cleaning bad graffiti
off the personality
jumped over
the short, black steel fence
saw the happy lady
with a soup kitchen,
trying to force some
kind of nourishment
into kids
that believe
glue
is cheaper than
life without it.
Greeted her
she smiled
wearing friendly air;
she’d take your lunch
for someone else,
given enough time
(a feminine Robin Hood)
stepped into the
garden of remembrance
now overgrown
in need of a shovel
and creative vision.
Read a note on
the parish notice board
"You missed the bus!"
it said.
I walked home slowly
mumbling something
stupid about
time travel,
old churches
and tattoos
concluded
the thought process
in a quotation...
"Sometimes shutting up
is solace enough".
-x-
Written by
RevolutionAL
(Alistair Plint)
Published 18th Jul 2018
| Edited 21st Jul 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 1
comments 24
reads 947
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
18th Jul 2018 8:45am
Superb walk among the streets Al...and the ending finished it of brilliantly man...and this...
saw the happy lady
with a soup kitchen,
trying to force some kind
of nourishment
into kids
-that believe
glue
is cheaper
than life without it.
Cheers...Harry
saw the happy lady
with a soup kitchen,
trying to force some kind
of nourishment
into kids
-that believe
glue
is cheaper
than life without it.
Cheers...Harry
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
18th Jul 2018 10:50am
Funny you bring up that stanza Harry,
It's my favourite part of this.
Appreciate your eyes on my words and your kind words and support.
Blue Skies at you
Al
P.S. huge fan of your writing. Love it!
It's my favourite part of this.
Appreciate your eyes on my words and your kind words and support.
Blue Skies at you
Al
P.S. huge fan of your writing. Love it!
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
21st Jul 2018 9:34am
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
Anonymous
- Edited 18th Jul 2018 9:09am
18th Jul 2018 9:07am
Glad you managed to get this one out. My only other change is that semi-colon in the first stanza - I’d move it to after “street men” just so that flow isn’t interrupted so much.
I’ve noticed a few additions to this since working on it and I have to say they work quite well.
Two things:
1) I enjoyed the humour insertion of missing the bus. I almost heard you swear and it made me laugh.
2) Please can you tell me the kind of church that makes you think about tattoos, because there’s a market for that. Tattoos appear so often in your writing... casual observation.
Thank you for sharing, m’dear.
-M
I’ve noticed a few additions to this since working on it and I have to say they work quite well.
Two things:
1) I enjoyed the humour insertion of missing the bus. I almost heard you swear and it made me laugh.
2) Please can you tell me the kind of church that makes you think about tattoos, because there’s a market for that. Tattoos appear so often in your writing... casual observation.
Thank you for sharing, m’dear.
-M
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
18th Jul 2018 10:44am
You're glad I got it out...
I'm ecstatic!
I nearly tossed it like a basketball.
Two weeks, your eyes my eyes and that ending didn't want to hold the page.
Then I realised... It's in the title, wrong freeking title and wrong delivery. Slowed her down. Found the silence and she dropped like the printer spat her out. You know I love the words that challenge me, more than the ones that fall from no-where land.
Funny story, about tattoos... And churches, I'm good mates with James the youth pastor who tattoo'd "my little pony" to his arm in a fundraising effort to get kids on a camp. Tattoos and churches are more common than you realise.
Yes they pop up in my writing... I see the art and permanent nature of the ink as a wonderful metaphore that fits most places. But you know I love body art.
Thank you for lending your eyes to this write before, during and after it landed. For the critiques commentry and interest in it. Huge Respect Missy.
Kind Blue Skies @You
Al
I'm ecstatic!
I nearly tossed it like a basketball.
Two weeks, your eyes my eyes and that ending didn't want to hold the page.
Then I realised... It's in the title, wrong freeking title and wrong delivery. Slowed her down. Found the silence and she dropped like the printer spat her out. You know I love the words that challenge me, more than the ones that fall from no-where land.
Funny story, about tattoos... And churches, I'm good mates with James the youth pastor who tattoo'd "my little pony" to his arm in a fundraising effort to get kids on a camp. Tattoos and churches are more common than you realise.
Yes they pop up in my writing... I see the art and permanent nature of the ink as a wonderful metaphore that fits most places. But you know I love body art.
Thank you for lending your eyes to this write before, during and after it landed. For the critiques commentry and interest in it. Huge Respect Missy.
Kind Blue Skies @You
Al
Anonymous
- Edited 30th Jul 2018 7:47am
18th Jul 2018 10:03am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
I really appreciate your kindness John.
This little paper was holding my juices up... So now you and I can do a date with a checkerboard 😉
I'll be around shortly.
Thank you for reading me, I really appreciate it.
Blue Skies at you
Al
This little paper was holding my juices up... So now you and I can do a date with a checkerboard 😉
I'll be around shortly.
Thank you for reading me, I really appreciate it.
Blue Skies at you
Al
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
18th Jul 2018 2:30pm
I really like this one. I feel like watching a movie scene or listening to a Tom Waits song.
A.
A.
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
Wow!
What an awesome thing to say.
Huge appreciation that the story plays vivid to you A.
Thank you for the visit, eyes on it and comment
Blue Skies at you
Al
What an awesome thing to say.
Huge appreciation that the story plays vivid to you A.
Thank you for the visit, eyes on it and comment
Blue Skies at you
Al
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
Anonymous
19th Jul 2018 5:26am
I literally stumbled upon your poem. I chose a category, and boy did it pay off. Fate and all that....
You walked on another plane when you composed this. It’s exquisite. You’ve brought to light things others just wouldn’t see. And that’s why the world needs poets.
“some wear jail time well
others, preparing for it”
Love this observation.
“concrete
flakes like paint;
pity they don't flake together
cleaning bad graffiti
off the personality”
This is brilliance in imagery and thought.
I commend you. Exceptional writing!
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
19th Jul 2018 6:18am
Hello Miss Millay,
A new reader... Yaaay!
Firstly, welcome to the underground pleased you joined. Welcome to my little neck of the woods, where we have tea and talk about poetry and what we see openly.
I'm grateful that you stumbled on this poem. I do hope you didn't get hurt.
This piece is one I love. I'm so pleased it spoke to you and you could relate. I enjoy building images in my poems it's my favourite part of writing and I hold it as the reason to do this.
Reeling them in and holding them tight to the page is a labour of love.
Anyhow thanks for the visit and chat, do feel free to pop in or stumble in anytime.
Blue Skies at you
Al
A new reader... Yaaay!
Firstly, welcome to the underground pleased you joined. Welcome to my little neck of the woods, where we have tea and talk about poetry and what we see openly.
I'm grateful that you stumbled on this poem. I do hope you didn't get hurt.
This piece is one I love. I'm so pleased it spoke to you and you could relate. I enjoy building images in my poems it's my favourite part of writing and I hold it as the reason to do this.
Reeling them in and holding them tight to the page is a labour of love.
Anyhow thanks for the visit and chat, do feel free to pop in or stumble in anytime.
Blue Skies at you
Al
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
Anonymous
19th Jul 2018 6:23am
It was my honor. You captured the labor and joy of writing brilliantly. What would we do without words to capture the ephemeral pieces of our souls? As I am a storm, I wish you Blue Skies before and after the storm—I think they’re the most beautiful.
River
River
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
19th Jul 2018 7:05pm
Yes words that hold our souls safe.
I find all words really beautiful
placing them as carefully as you can
in the perfect place, with partners they'll enjoy living with is a special gift we're awarded and are very fortunate to be gifted with.
Did you know that the oxford dictionary can account for 228 132 words of which they say 171 476 are not substituted (9500) or obsolete (47 156) and
that of those the average english language user will use + - 17000 (mostly repetitively). How damn interesting is that?
Thanks for the chat madame
Al
I find all words really beautiful
placing them as carefully as you can
in the perfect place, with partners they'll enjoy living with is a special gift we're awarded and are very fortunate to be gifted with.
Did you know that the oxford dictionary can account for 228 132 words of which they say 171 476 are not substituted (9500) or obsolete (47 156) and
that of those the average english language user will use + - 17000 (mostly repetitively). How damn interesting is that?
Thanks for the chat madame
Al
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
Anonymous
19th Jul 2018 9:40pm
That is interesting! I get a Miriam Webster email each day about the word of the day, etymology, vocabulary quizzes. I adore it. I actually read the dictionary sometimes—I find it fascinating and a great source of inspiration!
I’m glad you understand!
I’m glad you understand!
0
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
23rd Jul 2018 10:33pm
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
28th Jul 2018 10:38pm
I dunno that I'm at any level. But thank you for the words quite the same.
Greatful to you for reading and commenting.
Al
Greatful to you for reading and commenting.
Al
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 1:53am
I like the vibe of this, very cool, I could feel it, being suburban, with all senses, I know what you mean about how old concrete buildings smell, it's a street savvy sketch, liked it a lot..
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 10:42pm
Thank you for your wonderful comment.
Good to know you feel it.
That smell says so much about the street life.
Blue skies at you
Al
Good to know you feel it.
That smell says so much about the street life.
Blue skies at you
Al
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 10:31am
Hello al great poem i felt this was a journey of observation walking the streets then to the church . I like your reference to the criminals or becoming criminals the church which smells and the walls flaking the middle lines stood out for me
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 10:36pm
Hey Miss Daffodil
Thank you for your wonderful comments, sharing the imagery that worked for you.
I reckon, the images a reader sees are far more important than those a writer writes.
Thank you for your time and reading me.
Al
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 10:37am
It sounds like the poor churches personality had been destroyed and carelessly not taken care of .
1
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 10:38pm
It very much was a church left to ruin.
Pitty it couldn't have been looked after.
But the life in a building is always lovely.
Pitty it couldn't have been looked after.
But the life in a building is always lovely.
Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 10:44am
Re: Re. Flames Burn Quietly.
24th Jul 2018 10:39pm
I'm glad that speaks to you.
Self silence is the most relaxing thing ever.
Blue Skies at you
;)
Self silence is the most relaxing thing ever.
Blue Skies at you
;)