Late Night Thoughts

With each breath that I draw, it becomes apparent that the two halves that made a whole, are tiny slivers of dreams and words left unspoken but known & felt; deeply, truly, intimately & infinitely.    
     
How else could we have ever stumbled upon one another, if not for dreaming of one another, long before our worlds ever collided ?    
     
Oft, I wonder what the last few years would've been like, if I were graced with your presence each morning & late at night before I closed my eyes to dream more, of you.      
     
Distance, is a psychopathic killer and a homicidal maniac.      
     
Eventually, the pining that makes the heart grow fonder, has the potential to create the greatest divide.    
     
It's enough to draw tears, to miss all the things that other couples might take for granted, like sitting across from each other, whilst sipping on a hot chocolate as the frost in the air reminds us that we're alive, during those long Winter months.    
     
I think there's a fine line between the projection and differentiation of lust, infatuation and love.      
     
Love, is constant but without lust and infatuation, how does passion & desire emerge, if the connection to each, were not ever present collectively, from such perspectives ?      
     
I feel each motion in all their entirety as our fractions create a whole. A masterpiece that bound us together, passionately but holistically.      
     
Wholly, and solely.    
     
I don't ever remember not ever being with you, but my heart knows you and thoughts of you inform me that you'll always be my fondest dream as I've spent lifetimes loving you, from a distance and close by.
     
Your touch, is all that lingers within the epicentre of my inner chaos as I go through the motions of processing what unfolded between us.
     
It just never occurred to me that I'd suffer gravely for doing so, as well as missing all the ones that expressed their interest in me in between nourishing the bond we share.    
     
I always think about what if ?    
     
It crosses my mind, like you do, as each second, minute and hour turns into days, weeks and months.    
     
What if you weren't so far away, and what if we could spend our mornings and late evenings together, rediverting the insomniatic thoughts that lie tacet in the still of night, whilst my eyes flicker in the dark as we momentarily gaze outside our open window frames.    
     
I have moments that I wonder what if, but as each month passes, the realisaton that you're there and I’m here, weighs heavily upon my heart because I don't know how to bridge that gap between us without tearing my life apart, and it's a huge risk to take, without knowing for certain that you'd embrace such a possibility.  
 
You know, there’s substance in the unfolding of probability.
     
I know, the distance bothers you, and the uncertainty of my movements cause you to feel as if you're not enough for me.      
     
M'love, you're more than enough for me.      
     
I suppose, we each have our own lives to live, and little people to raise. You, not so much but I'm still in the midst of such responsibility. So, for now, it's just the way it is.      
     
I've never thought about leaving us as loose ends, and you'll always be unfinished business, where the heart is concerned. However, I can't ever see myself settling without your absolute trust, because the freedom I take for granted on a daily basis here, cannot ever be exercised when you & I aren’t on the same page.  
     
I've felt lost before, and it's in that place in which I'm still wandering, searching for you.    
     
Hopelessly wondering, if you still think of me when you peer into the endless twinkling canopy above that you revel in gazing upon, during the twilight hours.

Well. It’s late, and I’m tired & needy, and you’re not lying right next to me, just yet.