Failing.

How do i become happy
How do i become happy again
 
No i dont want to just fake it
Its no longer enough  
The mask is falling
The pins are coming undone,
And no matter how hard i try to keep it up it seems i do something to make it fall faster
I cant stop sleeping
I sleep for 12 hours and still feel tired
Im depressed as fuck
And at this point i guess im fake
Im fake because im acting out old things the real me used to do
Im fake because i fuck up friendships
I dont know if im fake
I just know im fucked
Im sad as fuck
And theres no more containing it
Im spiraling and theres nothing to grab onto.
I just want someone to hold my hand
Not even in a fucking romantic way
I just really need someone to grab onto  
It feels as if all my expressions have become routine
It feels as if the only thing im living for is to make people think im okay
And i think deep down people know something is wrong but i dont think they care enough
Or maybe theyre just afraid to help me.