negativity

'i don't see any hope left for us' he sliced the words
across my heart and
i wanted to ask him if he still loved me
so i could say 'if there's still love,
there's still hope'
but i took a turn and ended up
crying tearless cries croaking
'please don't leave me' down the
phone line

--

i used to have him
around my finger
and never realized how deeply i
fell for him
while doing so; his twisting away now
makes me want to twist myself around him
and
never let go

don't, don't, you promised
don't.

--

i spend my days scraping pain
into my head - i don't do it intentionally
there are just too many things
going wrong like
the way my mother gets weaker every day
and we keep fighting over stupid things but I
don't care much because my mother will
never leave me - no
i am so fucking selfish.

but him and i, we can't fight
the fights we have on a daily basis
because he's willing to
let go of all the
sacrifices we made to
make us who we are

i need him to blow on the wounds i
filtered from the weight of
my father's authority

and those are just a few
recurring examples of my
calamities

--

and this is why i can't breath
why my heart is pounding too fast
why my words come out desperate and
senseless; full of needing him
because

in plain truth,
i really do.