deepundergroundpoetry.com
Come Closer My Dear
Come closer my dear,
for i am not one to fear.
I want to love you with an open heart,
not break you down, and tear you apart.
I want to love you like theres no tomorrow,
and take away all your sorrows.
I want to make your world a better place,
and love you at a slow and steady pace.
Come closer my dear,
for i am not one to fear.
for i am not one to fear.
I want to love you with an open heart,
not break you down, and tear you apart.
I want to love you like theres no tomorrow,
and take away all your sorrows.
I want to make your world a better place,
and love you at a slow and steady pace.
Come closer my dear,
for i am not one to fear.
Published 20th Oct 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 867
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Oct 2011 1:01am
i loved the general feel and direction of the poem, however it seemed like you kind of forced the rhyme into it. you should focus more on what you want the poem to say than to make it ryhme. hope this helps :) oh and by the way this is the first honest critique i gave :p so i hope it actually helps
21st Oct 2011 2:03am
I have to agree with Lewis. The overall poem is great and I think some editing would really make it brilliant. It seems your first line, with which you want to rhyme, is very well done, while the rhyming line which follows, while still very well written, is more of an afterthought rather than something you originally intended for the poem.
Keep up the good work, and don't be afraid to modify and change your poems. I know that was one of my biggest downfalls when i began writing.
:D
Keep up the good work, and don't be afraid to modify and change your poems. I know that was one of my biggest downfalls when i began writing.
:D
21st Oct 2011 2:35am
It does help. It's what im looking for, ways to improve. Thanks guys. :)
