deepundergroundpoetry.com
stupid feelings, stupid mental illness
down , down , down
down in the flipping hole again
depressed, sad, deflated
damn bloody fed up of it all
this stupid mental illness
my stupid flipping feelings
won't let me feel how i want to feel
sitting in my bedroom disconnected from myself
tired, tired of this stupid illness and my stupid mind
which i have to live with even if i don't want to
tears are welling up in my mind , sad , lonely , tired of my mind
a messed up mind , a traumatised shell
trauma , trauma , trauma, has life not got more to offer me ?
because thats all i've mostly received in this life
trauma, trauma, trauma and more trauma..
um , hello ??? does the universe have ears ?
is anyone nice up there, waiting to grant me my wishes
i don't know , i never asked to be this way
it hurts to be this way
hurts to feel messed up and traumatised
hurts to be wasting my life like this
hurts , when did i ask for this ? not once
so why have i received the unwanted
sometimes i feel in a weird trap of a lie
i cannot feel how i want to feel , when i want to feel this way
i'm bombarded with weird and abnormal feelings
even if i never asked for them to be there
living in a mind with weirdness floating everywhere
living in a mind which dictates to me how i feel
and my choices are where? sure i can tap on those feelings eft tapping
but i probably would still feel wrong to some extent
i could soothe my upset but i may still be upset
and the upset would most likely return again
my mind feels like a trap, stupid mind stupid damn stupid feelings
weird mind, weird traumatised mind with weirdness floating within
its boring now my mind bores me , tires me , gets on my damn nerves
winds me up , gets me down , irritates me , upsets me
if my mind could let me feel how i want to feel
instead of being forced to feel ways i never asked to feel
that is the problem , i do not get enough of a choice do i
down in the flipping hole again
depressed, sad, deflated
damn bloody fed up of it all
this stupid mental illness
my stupid flipping feelings
won't let me feel how i want to feel
sitting in my bedroom disconnected from myself
tired, tired of this stupid illness and my stupid mind
which i have to live with even if i don't want to
tears are welling up in my mind , sad , lonely , tired of my mind
a messed up mind , a traumatised shell
trauma , trauma , trauma, has life not got more to offer me ?
because thats all i've mostly received in this life
trauma, trauma, trauma and more trauma..
um , hello ??? does the universe have ears ?
is anyone nice up there, waiting to grant me my wishes
i don't know , i never asked to be this way
it hurts to be this way
hurts to feel messed up and traumatised
hurts to be wasting my life like this
hurts , when did i ask for this ? not once
so why have i received the unwanted
sometimes i feel in a weird trap of a lie
i cannot feel how i want to feel , when i want to feel this way
i'm bombarded with weird and abnormal feelings
even if i never asked for them to be there
living in a mind with weirdness floating everywhere
living in a mind which dictates to me how i feel
and my choices are where? sure i can tap on those feelings eft tapping
but i probably would still feel wrong to some extent
i could soothe my upset but i may still be upset
and the upset would most likely return again
my mind feels like a trap, stupid mind stupid damn stupid feelings
weird mind, weird traumatised mind with weirdness floating within
its boring now my mind bores me , tires me , gets on my damn nerves
winds me up , gets me down , irritates me , upsets me
if my mind could let me feel how i want to feel
instead of being forced to feel ways i never asked to feel
that is the problem , i do not get enough of a choice do i
Published 15th Jun 2018
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16th Jun 2018 00:16am
I agree mental illness is a challenge with all the stigma surrounding it. It's easy for others to appear flippant in their advice. It's an indication and lack of understanding on their part.
I do hope you are receiving or seeking help. Depression is nothing to take lightly. Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams, and so many others are proof of that.
It's not enough for us to tell you to reach out; we must also reach in and show we care. I am pleased you're using poetry as a form of communicating your anxiety regarding your experience.
I feel if you truly focus on form, repetition, and exraneous words, your message would be much clearer. As it stands, it's suffocating in the flotsam and jetsam of redundancy.
For example:
stupid mental illness
down ,
down ,
down
in the flipping hole again
depressed, sad, deflated
bloody fed up of it all:
mental illness
flipping feelings
won't allow choice
sitting in my bedroom
disconnected
tired,
tired of living
with mental illness
tears well up inside
sad ,
lonely ,
tired
a messed up mind ,
traumatised shell
trauma ,
trauma ,
trauma
has life got more to offer?
because it seems
thats all i've mostly received
does the universe have ears ?
is anyone nice up there
waiting to grant my wishes
i don't know
i never asked for this; it hurts
hurts feeling traumatised
hurts wasting my life
hurts , not having asked for this
i cannot feel how i want
bombarded with the abnormal:
floating in a weirdness
living in a mind which dictates
and my choices are where?
i can tap on those feelings
but would still feel wrong
to some extent
i could soothe my upset
but it would most likely return
a trap
its boring now
gets on my damn nerves
winds me up ,
gets me down ,
irritates , upsets me
if i could feel how i want
instead of being forced
to feel something else
i would feel i had a choice
....
I've done nothing but shave the excess, rearranged a bit of syntax, replaced redundant wordage, and altered form, allowing the reader to breathe and experience the emotional roller-coaster with you.
Who do you read? Poet or author-wise?
I do hope you are receiving or seeking help. Depression is nothing to take lightly. Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams, and so many others are proof of that.
It's not enough for us to tell you to reach out; we must also reach in and show we care. I am pleased you're using poetry as a form of communicating your anxiety regarding your experience.
I feel if you truly focus on form, repetition, and exraneous words, your message would be much clearer. As it stands, it's suffocating in the flotsam and jetsam of redundancy.
For example:
stupid mental illness
down ,
down ,
down
in the flipping hole again
depressed, sad, deflated
bloody fed up of it all:
mental illness
flipping feelings
won't allow choice
sitting in my bedroom
disconnected
tired,
tired of living
with mental illness
tears well up inside
sad ,
lonely ,
tired
a messed up mind ,
traumatised shell
trauma ,
trauma ,
trauma
has life got more to offer?
because it seems
thats all i've mostly received
does the universe have ears ?
is anyone nice up there
waiting to grant my wishes
i don't know
i never asked for this; it hurts
hurts feeling traumatised
hurts wasting my life
hurts , not having asked for this
i cannot feel how i want
bombarded with the abnormal:
floating in a weirdness
living in a mind which dictates
and my choices are where?
i can tap on those feelings
but would still feel wrong
to some extent
i could soothe my upset
but it would most likely return
a trap
its boring now
gets on my damn nerves
winds me up ,
gets me down ,
irritates , upsets me
if i could feel how i want
instead of being forced
to feel something else
i would feel i had a choice
....
I've done nothing but shave the excess, rearranged a bit of syntax, replaced redundant wordage, and altered form, allowing the reader to breathe and experience the emotional roller-coaster with you.
Who do you read? Poet or author-wise?
17th Jun 2018 9:10pm
hello .. thankyou for such a kind and helpful comment :-) yes, i can see how the way i arranged my poem was perhaps incorrect . i can see and understand the changes you have made , i guess i did not think about form enough ..
thankyou
thankyou
17th Jun 2018 10:17pm
Anonymous
17th Jun 2018 12:02pm
Yes, as Ahavati has conveyed, Poetry is communication.
The more you refine your message to the outside world, the clearer it will become for the entire Universe to respond with support specific to your individual needs .
The more you refine your message to the outside world, the clearer it will become for the entire Universe to respond with support specific to your individual needs .
