Pity

And you can’t tell them cause they’ll pity you
Like I need anybody more than myself to feel as fucking shitty.
I’m alone, been alone
And like a boat
I feel afloat , yet unconscious cause I’ve sunken
Deeply into the ambiguous abyss
Called life. Cause I’m still figuring out why I want to live.
I don’t . And that’s the honest truth.
Having the saddest years in the prime of my youth .
I guess they call it blackjack cause I’m really 21
And yeah I strive to win it , but I doubt I even won
 stress , and issues, one after the other
start with work and school and make its way down to my mother .
So I stare into my peculiar reflection
Who’s eyes are dull and lifeless
Dried up tears lie on my complexion
fragments of the old me show like pores
The baggage from the past sleep under my eyes
Dark like the apparition I feel lingering
Sucking the soul out of me, I feel the tightness grip around my mouth so I can’t speak. Pulling my muscles together to form a smile
So fake, you can’t ignore it.
But you can’t tell them, cause they’ll pity you.
In agony, tears run down my cheek.
As I viciously brush them away , without a care
But I do, I don’t know, is it you?
What is keeping me on this graveyard called earth
Where they kill for revenge or clout
But somehow all end up in a hearse.
Why haven’t I sliced and slit
Tied up a weight and dipped.
Took pills with a drink and mixed?
Or any related shit.
It’s my undying loyalty I hate
For disloyal motherfuckers
Who don’t even deserve an ounce of what I have
I give, I love, I live , I’m shit, and I’m giv-
Ing up.
But I won’t tell them, they’ll pity me.