deepundergroundpoetry.com
angel curls
hush!
now angel say not a word
nor movement of soul shall be heard
oh the widow bird
a weaver
black, torn like a non-believer
swish that angel mane
hush!
now goddess be still
loves fire shall be at will
a mockingbird cannot kill
patience; a virtue like such
is not handled as much
grip that angel mane
hush!
now nymphet be pure
it is my heart you lure
with no human cure
i drown in sorrow
not thinking about tomorrow
fallen, the angel mane
from man to insane
nor a woman or girl
just pure demon!
an angel that wraps around!
now angel say not a word
nor movement of soul shall be heard
oh the widow bird
a weaver
black, torn like a non-believer
swish that angel mane
hush!
now goddess be still
loves fire shall be at will
a mockingbird cannot kill
patience; a virtue like such
is not handled as much
grip that angel mane
hush!
now nymphet be pure
it is my heart you lure
with no human cure
i drown in sorrow
not thinking about tomorrow
fallen, the angel mane
from man to insane
nor a woman or girl
just pure demon!
an angel that wraps around!
Published 15th Oct 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
15th Oct 2011 10:11pm
I like this piece tripple six ;) its drifts through the mind and shares ever so slightly, it almost teased me into a profound curiosity...
I'm just not sure about the last line... for me it somehow doesn't fit...could it be left at "just pure demon"? If however you dont agree maybe the ! at 'demon' and then again 'around' might need a look?
But it is lovely piece and it speaks to me from the very first line.
Blue Skies -x-
I'm just not sure about the last line... for me it somehow doesn't fit...could it be left at "just pure demon"? If however you dont agree maybe the ! at 'demon' and then again 'around' might need a look?
But it is lovely piece and it speaks to me from the very first line.
Blue Skies -x-
16th Oct 2011 10:45am
The reason why i put 'an angel that wraps around' at the end as a demon for me is like an angel as it lures and smothers such a fragile heart
but i thank you for your words and i appreciate you as you read my work carefully :)
but i thank you for your words and i appreciate you as you read my work carefully :)
18th Oct 2011 6:37am
I really like this.. It is at least for me, an unusual rhythm, that works really well. The words themselves, tell you enough, yet not enough, leaving the rest to the readers imagination.
My only issue is with the title.. Not sure why, but it doesn't seem to marry well. Then again, if all someone can do is to be unsure about the title and nothing else, I think you have made it a success.
well done.
My only issue is with the title.. Not sure why, but it doesn't seem to marry well. Then again, if all someone can do is to be unsure about the title and nothing else, I think you have made it a success.
well done.
