deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Cracked Out Heart
My heart cracked when you through it on the floor and let it stay there.You took your legs and smashed it in the ground like I was dirt,trash and worthless.
Never being hurt more so I am Hurt less . If this is the battle of the red things in your chest then I surely was being put to the test.
I couldn't take this pain when you told me to leave i thought this isn't fair.I cared more then I should of.I took the lies after lies and even took the I was wrong and you was right !
I took the broken promises you promised to me.I missed understood the true meaning of love when you slapped me and told me to toughen up.
I took the apologies after apologies because a finally good relationship is where I wanted to be.I wanted to be in your arms which was better then the sunset at night unless we both are watching it .
Proud and happy is what I betrayed on my face but never did I taste what love was truly like while being with you.Being with you to me was like beauty and the beast.I finally realized that those were fantasies and dreams.
The love we shared was a nightmare and non-reality .So gone so gone "My lover" because I will be giving my love to another.
Never being hurt more so I am Hurt less . If this is the battle of the red things in your chest then I surely was being put to the test.
I couldn't take this pain when you told me to leave i thought this isn't fair.I cared more then I should of.I took the lies after lies and even took the I was wrong and you was right !
I took the broken promises you promised to me.I missed understood the true meaning of love when you slapped me and told me to toughen up.
I took the apologies after apologies because a finally good relationship is where I wanted to be.I wanted to be in your arms which was better then the sunset at night unless we both are watching it .
Proud and happy is what I betrayed on my face but never did I taste what love was truly like while being with you.Being with you to me was like beauty and the beast.I finally realized that those were fantasies and dreams.
The love we shared was a nightmare and non-reality .So gone so gone "My lover" because I will be giving my love to another.
Published 13th Oct 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
13th Oct 2011 10:23pm
...this is a tough read. Your sentences are rough as guts...too long, tense wavering all over the place, spelling errors everywhere, and the odd one thrown in that just plain doesn't make sense...edit the hell out of this, try to read it as the reader will see it, get a dictionary, read some more and work out what it is you are trying to say before you start typing....
H.
H.
1st Nov 2011 5:02pm
...to have been written out of hurt, anger frustration-whilst it was still fresh on your mind. Almost as if through crying eyes. I see what Hugh is talking about though I may be capturing his "rough as guts" a different way. The story is rough-a life lesson and most of those are "rough as guts". Fix some of the obvious grammatical errors but don't loose that edge in the story. That's what makes it interesting and makes your words, your story "your own".
