All the Ways!

      Matt looked out the window with happy thoughts on his mind. After all, this might be the last bit of sunlight he would ever see. Having remained indoors all summer, he hadn't realized how late the sun was still up. Turning back to the task at hand, he continued sorting through another heap of clothes, checking the pockets on every garment. He remembered driving to the drugstore to get a midnight snack earlier in the week, so his keys must still be among that week's dirty laundry. This was the last step in his plan, and it was taking much longer than he'd expected. Four months ago, Matt's girlfriend had dumped him. He had always been a melancholy kid, but for some reason the breakup seemed to be the last straw for him, and he'd spent his time carefully wondering if he should kill himself. A week ago he finally decided to go through with it, and the reason he needed his keys now was that he had decided to use the old fall-asleep-with-the-engine-on-in-the-garage approach. For a sixteen-year old who nearly fainted every time he saw blood and had no way to get his hands on a gun, it seemed like a great option (his two years tying knots in Boy Scouts didn't pay off when he tried to make a noose). As luck would have it, the last pair of jeans in the pile let out a jingle as Matt lifted them from the floor. He caught the keys as they fell from the left-hand pocket, and, without missing a beat, turned and headed towards the garage, which he had cleaned three days ago as an 'early birthday present' for his Dad. He had pulled his car into the garage while his parents were at work earlier that day, and they probably thought he was just out somewhere, even though that would be odd for him.

      Jane thought she heard someone behind her, so she closed Firefox and pulled up the window with her essay, still only half-written. She had been halfway through her second paragraph about that stupid kid's red hat when she'd completely lost interest. Naturally, her boredom had taken her straight to Facebook, and she had been looking at Matt's newest profile picture before the phantom noise scared her. He'd grown a bit over the summer, she could tell, and if he wouldn't wear that goddamn hoodie all the time everyone would be able to see how cute he was. She really wished she could see him again, but she knew it wasn't really right to pester him like that, seeing as she'd broken up with him not too long ago.

      Amber's mind was going even crazier than usual. She'd missed the vein both times, although she must have hit a smaller one considering her blood was now forming a small puddle on the bathroom floor. Her mouth felt a bit frothy, which meant the extra pills she took were most likely working their magic already. However, in the heat of the moment, and with the smell and sight of blood all around her and froth in her mouth, all she could think about was what blood would taste as a soda, and if vampires would drink it or complain about the high-fructose corn syrup. She started laughing at the thought, and accidentally dropped the razor blade in the toilet. She realized that was her last one, but considering her precision during every attempt had been sub-par, she decided that cutting wasn't going to be her way out. Also, the toilet water might get her cuts infected, and God knows that was the last thing she needed to worry about. She drenched a cloth in water and wrapped it around her arm, and then picked up her phone with her free hand and pushed the '3' button to speed-dial Jane.

      Matt found the garage exactly as he'd left it, and he hustled to his car, a dark red sedan. His dad had picked the color for him, and after seeing it for the first time, Matt told his dad he could have saved money on insurance with any other color. His dad laughed at this and told him that red was the color for babes, so the extra cost would more than pay for itself. Matt just nodded and recalled that Jane's favorite color was blue. The car had a small engine, so there wasn't much noise when Matt turned the ignition. He'd left only the driver's-side window down, which he figured would help keep the fumes inside the car while he slept. He remembered to pull out a twenty from his wallet and leave it on the dashboard. He figured it would help cover the gas that he was wasting tonight, since he knew his dad was having trouble with the finances recently. "Now we play the waiting game," Matt said to himself. Two minutes passed and then his phone rang.

      Jane had gone back to Facebook quickly enough, and she found herself looking at Matt's profile again. He had recently deleted most of his personal information, and everything save for his birthplace and contact info was nowhere to be seen. She looked at the cell phone number for a long time, and then she took out her phone and entered it into her contacts. She had deleted it after breaking up with him, even though he had only called her once afterwards. She also put in his email address, although she had no real reason to. Then her finger hit the call button. She probably hadn't meant to; her phone had a touch screen and it wasn't the first time she'd accidentally dialed a number. Nevertheless, she decided not to hang up, and instead slowly raised the phone to her ear, smiling when she heard him pick up.
      "Hello?" he answered. She hesitated, and he repeated the greeting.
      "Hey." she finally responded. "Matt?"
      "Yeah."
      "It's Jane," the call felt just as awkward as the last one had. "I…was just thinking about you. How've you been?"
      "Alright." was the answer.
      "Have…you done anything interesting this summer?" Jane asked.
      "No. I've been inside."
      "I can tell," she said letting out a small laugh. "You're really pale in all your pictures!"
      "Yeah." There was a brief pause, and then Matt asked, "so why did you call?"
      "Oh! right." Jane stammered. "I was putting your number back in my phone, and my finger hit the call button."
      "You didn't have it saved?" Matt asked, but an incoming call to Jane's phone blocked out his question.
      "Oops." Jane exclaimed. "Let me take this, okay? I'll call you right back." and then she hung up.

      "Hello?" she answered
      "Hey! Jane?" Amber's voice sounded like she had eaten a roll of paper towels.
      "Yeah, it's me. What's up?"
      Amber chuckled and then let out a short gasp of pain before answering. Jane heard water running over the phone. "Everything okay?" she asked.
      "Well it's been better," came the reply, followed by a clattering sound. "I'm pretty sure this is going to be another cry for attention deal honestly. Besides I can't find that bottle of Advil I thought I'd stashed away."
      Jane was perplexed: "What are you doing, Amber?"
      "Well I'm trying to kill myself," she answered "I don't really know why I called you. Maybe you should call the police?"
      "Why are you doing that?" Jane's voice was much more frantic than Amber's now.
      "Friday nights shouldn't be boring but they always are." Amber's voice had calmed down even though she'd evidently lost it. "Oh, and on second thought, don't call the police, Jane. I forgot this shit's illegal."
      Jane didn't mention that it was Tuesday. She didn't know whether to call the police or if Amber was just playing some crazy joke. Amber continued to ramble on about vampire sodas or something, and as Jane's mind tried to get a handle on the situation, she remembered that Amber lived right around the corner from Matt's house.
      "Amber? I'm not calling the police, okay? I'll be right back."
      Amber stopped talking long enough to say "okay" and then she continued on.

      The worst distraction for a person trying to kill themselves is a call from somebody who "just hit the call button". Jane's interruption had completely ruined his night. He was supposed to be able to relax now that his preparation had paid off, and maybe think about the great truths of life and how he wouldn't ever have to learn any of them now. When the phone rang again he ignored it, but as soon as the new voicemail message appeared she was calling again. This time he waited until the fourth ring, then picked up.
      "Hey." he answered.
      "Matt?" came Jane's reply. She sounded almost frantic. "Are you out right now, by any chance?"
      Matt looked at his watch, and smelled the air around him. It hadn't been too long; he barely smelled any fumes. "No, not yet." he answered.
      Jane seemed to ignore the cryptic response and continued: "I just got a call from my friend Amber. She lives just down the street could you go check on her? She acting weird and I'm worried about her."
      Matt settled lower into the car seat. "What's wrong with her?" he asked.
      "She said she's gonna kill herself."
      Matt kept from laughing at the dramatic irony at work. "Girls say that all the time," he explained. "She's probably just kidding."
      "Maybe she is," Jane replied. "Can you just go check though?"
      "I don't know," Matt groaned. He added, "I'm busy."
      "Please?" Jane's voice "Just ask for her at the door and let me know if she's alright. That's all you have to do."
      Matt set the phone on the dashboard and let out a large sigh. The smell of gas was finally starting to kick in, but it looked like he would have to postpone his perfect night. He returned the phone to his ear and asked which house was Amber's.

      Amber hadn't found any Advil, and there were only two NyQuil capsules left from her attempt earlier this week. She had tried to off herself by downing the whole bottle, but she must have taken them too slowly, and she'd merely woken up the next day, sporting a bad headache and being late for school. Her arm hadn't stopped bleeding completely, but it was much less now, and she sprayed some antiseptic on it so it wouldn't get infected. There was always that terrible burning pain when she did this, but she'd gotten used to it, and almost enjoyed it now.
      She closed the toilet lid and sat down on top, and after a few minutes, her phone rang again.
      "Hello?" she answered.
      "Hey, Amber?" Jane's voice sounded so worried. "You remember Matt, that guy I dated a while back?"
      "Yeah," Amber said, a bit surprised. "What about him?"
      "He lives down the street." Jane explained. "I told him to go check on you, okay? Answer the door when he gets there."
      "Umm…okay. Why?"
      "Why??" there was a hint of anger in Jane's voice now. "Because I'm worried! You said you were going to kill yourself!"
      "Yeah…well people say that all the time." Amber said. "I tried earlier this week and it didn't work, so I'm probably just not really suicidal, you know?"
      Jane obviously didn't know, because there wasn't a response for a while. "Just talk to Matt, okay? Explain it to him." she finally said.
      Amber was about to respond when she heard a knock at the door. She hung up the phone and went to answer it.
      
      Matt wasn't kept waiting for long. He'd only seen Amber once, almost a year ago, and the person who answered the door looked much different from the girl he remembered. Jane had obviously called and told Amber that he was coming, because after opening the door, she simply nodded at him and told him to come in. He followed her down to the basement, noting her blood-stained clothing and the arm wrapped in red towels. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Amber turned to him.
      "So do you have any Advil I could borrow?" she asked.
      Matt gave her a confused look and answered, "sorry we're fresh out back home."
      "Yeah, I'm sure we have some upstairs anyway," Amber replied, turning and walking into the den of the basement. "You know, I don't think I'm going to try to kill myself again. You can see what a mess I am right now after trying. It's always so complicated."
      Matt nodded and realized this might not take too long. "So you're okay?" he asked. "You look like you did a number on yourself."
      "Yeah," she answered. "It'll be fine, I'm sure. The bleeding's almost stopped and I'll sleep the pills off by morning."
      "That's good. So you'll call Jane and tell her I stopped by?" he asked, already turning to leave.
      "Yeah, I will, don't worry." she answered. "What's the hurry, by the way. You busy?"
      "Yeah." Matt said, turning to face her again. "I'm taking a power nap in the garage tonight."
      Amber met his gaze and nodded. She waited until she heard him walk up the stairs and out the front door before she called Jane.
      Jane picked up on the first ring. "Hello?"
      "Hey. Matt just came by. He wanted me to call you and tell you I'm fine."
      "Really?" Jane said, a bit confused. "You didn't tell him to call me himself?"
      Amber smiled and replied, "nahh, I didn't bother. You should go see him right now, though. He really misses you, you know, and I always thought you two were good together."
      And without waiting for a response, Amber hung up the phone and turned on the TV.