In a moment

As a child
I was happy
I was only 3 or 4 at the time
That's when it all started to go
wrong

My brother
He was supposed
To be there for me
To protect me
To watch out for me
But all he could do
All that he did
Was abuse me
Hurt me
break me
Make me feel worthless
Stupid
Pathetic
Make me feel as if I deserved
Every ounce of hatred
He poured into me

My sister
She hated me
To her, I was the golden child
The spoiled brat
The child that mum and dad
Truly cherished
But only because I was smart
After all, I had to be
She was the reason for it
She and my dear brother
They made me smart
How could I learn
To suffer in silence
To put on a fake smile and laugh
To hide the bruises
On my arms and neck
To hide the cuts and the pain
How could I have learned all that
Without them?

They got angry
A knife to my throat
A punch
A kick
Every time
They got angry

It was only a matter of time
Before I truly believed
That it was my fault
I was the cause for their anger
Annoying
Unhelpful
Ungrateful
Unloved
Worthless
Pointless
Stupid
Pathetic
A waste

My Father
"Tough love"
He called it
But tell me,
When did it stop being
"Tough love"
And become abuse?
I was too young to understand
Maybe I was stupid
Or maybe
Maybe I was just a child
Maybe I wasn't supposed
To know the difference
Because I wasn't supposed
To be experiencing it

They thought
That their torment
Would only last for the moment
But it didn't, and it doesn't
Because even now
They're still there
In my mind
Locked in a cage
With a version of myself
That no longer lives
Because of them
A happy and innocent child
But only for a moment.