Welcome Darkness

I sit on the bed, just staring at my wall,
I can't help but feel ashamed, upset, hurt.
It feels like I've taken a fall.
And yet as I'm staring at this wall,
A new feeling washes over me, a feeling I haven't felt in a while.
I feel anguish power over my senses, my hands at my face.
On the inside, I'm trying to claw my way out.
I am trying to replenish my thirst for happiness with the sand of despair.
I am trying to make all this grief leave me with only me as a weapon when it has knives and guns.
What am I doing?
Why am I here?
I haven't accomplished anything with my life, and yet people tell me what great things I could do.
Of course I can do great things, but I can't.
I'm not a brilliant person, or talented, or anything of that sorts.
I am just me, sad old me.
Sure everyone is special, I know that, but what if I'm the exception?
What if I'm the one person with no significance about them.
I bring my hands down to see the wall again.
As I stare at the blank wall, my face contorts with anger, frustration, and sorrow all wrapped up in one.
I scream, that's all I can do.
I scream with all my might until I can't anymore.
Sometimes I can't even tell I'm crying until I feel the tears drop onto my hands.
I'm scared, I am terrified.
I don't know what to do except one thing, but I'm scared to do it.
But in an instant that is gone,
With one switch, my mind turns off and only my emotions are present.
I know what I have to do,
And once I accomplish this,
I'll finally be free.