The Wall

This wall.
This damn wall.
It has nothing on it, it has no color, no pictures, just a white wall.
I stare at it for hours a day, waiting and waiting for something.
That something, I don't know what it is.
But this wall, it shows what I am.
It shows all my emotions, it replays my memories,
But not the good ones, oh no it only plays the bad ones.
It replays all the hurt and anger from my life and I HAVE to watch it,
Otherwise, I'm living a lie.
I could turn my back and tell myself a lie that the bad moments don't exist,
But oh no, that will never happen.
Because I know if I find out that I am lying to myself, then I will have a breakdown,
A breakdown so bad it will hurt everything, and everyone.
So I endure the pain, I watch these memories and emotions replay back.
I stared at this damn wall all day, and once a day, it shuts off.
I can relax for a few moments, not feel anything, just nothing.
But it always comes back on.
It feels like I'm the only one watching a wall,
I mean, I know other people watch a wall, but the wall doesn't make you FEEL that.
Oh no, it makes you feel like you're all alone,
Like no one understands or has gone through this.
So here I am, all alone staring at this God damn wall,
Just waiting for the time where I can't take it anymore,
Waiting for the time that everything crashes down on me and self-destruct.
So I stay here,
Watching
This
Wall.