deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Can Imagine
how we looked to those who stared
and they always do
me
bearded
black bandanna
and black sunglasses
wrapped around my head
at the wheel
of a dented black pickup
with rust eaten wheel wells and
a missing side view mirror
but
they probably noticed my buddy
long before they even noticed
the trucks imperfections
one of those being its lack
of practical comfort
for a 6'4" 300 pound man
especially one holding a small television
and half a birthday cake
but there we were cruising
the bumpy roads
dodging potholes as he sang along
to some obscure 80's Hair ballad
plenty of people in clean cars
with clean boring faces and clean
boring lives
looked at us with disapproving glares
plenty of people
still trying to play the game
young and old
laughed out their windows at us
they shook their heads and shuddered at the thought
of us
"Did you see those guys!?!?"
but its all the same
we know
but we figure
the cleaner
boring
and more disapproving
they are the better
we're doing
and they always do
me
bearded
black bandanna
and black sunglasses
wrapped around my head
at the wheel
of a dented black pickup
with rust eaten wheel wells and
a missing side view mirror
but
they probably noticed my buddy
long before they even noticed
the trucks imperfections
one of those being its lack
of practical comfort
for a 6'4" 300 pound man
especially one holding a small television
and half a birthday cake
but there we were cruising
the bumpy roads
dodging potholes as he sang along
to some obscure 80's Hair ballad
plenty of people in clean cars
with clean boring faces and clean
boring lives
looked at us with disapproving glares
plenty of people
still trying to play the game
young and old
laughed out their windows at us
they shook their heads and shuddered at the thought
of us
"Did you see those guys!?!?"
but its all the same
we know
but we figure
the cleaner
boring
and more disapproving
they are the better
we're doing
Published 19th Apr 2018
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The author encourages honest critique.
21st Apr 2018 3:30am
Yes, if you're happy with the image of a tatty van, that's all well & good. But I think this poem is more about being happy with what you've got as Sheryl Crow once said in her song, 'Soak Up The Sun'. I don't think normally we'd ride in an old banger out of choice but you see the charm & the romance in it, I think & that's a good way to be ;-)
21st Apr 2018 3:35am
Pretty spot on man. That old banger lasted me 12 years before she finally gave it up. Honestly, it's weird to drive a "clean boring" SUV these days, albeit much more reliable. Thanks
I must echo Billy_Snagg's comment and your reply, both very insightful and close to my own feelings. Both our vehicles have over 200,000 miles, a few imperfections, not appealing to eye, but they get us from point A to point B with few problems, and we're not making $500. a month payments and outlandish insurance and registration fees, so, who cares other the ones unaffected.
I also picked up on one other thing, namely the judgmental aspect within the piece, i.e., their opinion of the two in the truck, and in return the author's opinion of them. I realize possibly that was a primary reason for the piece, and it well points it out regardless of overall intent.
One suggestion, you may wish to ponder deeper, as to titles for your writes. I have found a catchy title will garner more readers.
And, herein, ends my critique, (opinion), subjected as any other to the sniff test.
Nicely captured and conveyed, and an enjoyed read.
I also picked up on one other thing, namely the judgmental aspect within the piece, i.e., their opinion of the two in the truck, and in return the author's opinion of them. I realize possibly that was a primary reason for the piece, and it well points it out regardless of overall intent.
One suggestion, you may wish to ponder deeper, as to titles for your writes. I have found a catchy title will garner more readers.
And, herein, ends my critique, (opinion), subjected as any other to the sniff test.
Nicely captured and conveyed, and an enjoyed read.
