Things to Regret Not Having Said After I Die Tonight

 
I am sorry for not visiting you
i should have made it right with you
i should have apologised
i should have told you i loved you dad
i am sorry you died alone
i am sorry i wasn't there to hold your hand
i am sorry for destroying our love
if only we had more time
if only i had treated you with respect
if only i had given loving hugs
if only you had phoned me before doing that
i think i did love you
i am sorry we argued
i am sorry i hurt you
i wish i could take it back
i'm sorry i was part of your motivation for suicide
all i wanted was one last hug
all i wanted was one more smile
all i wanted was one more knowing wink
i will miss you
i will miss your smile
i will miss your ability to make me laugh
i will miss your strength and courage
i will miss your poetry, even the dirty ones
i'll miss you
i loved you but i couldn't show it
you were the only one for me i wish i had told you more

all these words
sink like turds
standing next to satan's gate
you were all too fuckin late
your platitudes like skyward ash
read the will, there is no cash
don't cry now, those crocodile tears
you've not given a fuck for years
suicide was painless and fun
razor blades, i had no gun
if i had
i would have been bad
if in this musket i had lead
it would be you now dead
my only regret then was that didn't kill you sooner