guts

i struggle to see through the swollen, engorged capillaries eclipsing my tired eyes
everything looks red,
everything looks like
murder...
the voices and the smells hanging on fragile chords of unreason

you appear so virginal in my illusions,
the blood is building, throbbing,
crying for a rape-heated release...

the air is sweating on me, my breaths are thick and slow;
pieces of my mind are dragging like entrails;
everywhere is my sense of direction,
pointing in jagged zig zags to every corner and every opportunity,
isolated, barren memory
and it all feels like stinging
rabid, impatient, desperate scratches at thin, translucent boundaries
that i'm not really sure even exist

god damn the loss of everything
give me back the lines i wasn't supposed to cross
give me back the stability and the danger of being content and stagnant,
don't show me the stars,
no sun, no moon,
nothing that sheds light on all these monsters,
i want the blessing of blind oblivious delusion
when they devour me