deepundergroundpoetry.com
Domestic violent zombie revenge
One step forward foot one hand forward point.all this crazy back and forth makes me feel like fight or flight. I'm spinning mad inside. One step backwards heel head falls backwards bang ! All this pain inside me makes me go insane. assylum! Does his brain work I don't know I must dig further deeper holes I drill blood and matter spills. Nope there's something missing still. Ejaculation filled where brain should be is this really?. Real realLy happening hazey dazzy trauma drama makes me do the things I don't wanna. Fingers clawing fleash I'm gnawing opps I made a spill. One step forward slip down I go to kiss watching the blood drip. One hand forward. hold him closer let the dark wash over over over is it over
Published 2nd Apr 2018
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likes 2
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comments 2
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Apr 2018 4:11pm
Excellent write Joannalunaestrella
i enjoyed the middle lines
"Does his brain work I don't know I must dig further deeper holes I drill blood and matter spills. Nope there's something missing still. Ejaculation filled where brain should be is this really?"
it reminds me a bit of jeffery dahmer darkness feel. and "Ejaculation filled where brain should be" is a really colorful line, i dig it.
for an honest critique i would say space your lines so it's easier on the eyes to read your excellent work.break it down into stanzas and you're writing gold here.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanza
well penned, i'd really like to read more from you.
keep'em coming.
i enjoyed the middle lines
"Does his brain work I don't know I must dig further deeper holes I drill blood and matter spills. Nope there's something missing still. Ejaculation filled where brain should be is this really?"
it reminds me a bit of jeffery dahmer darkness feel. and "Ejaculation filled where brain should be" is a really colorful line, i dig it.
for an honest critique i would say space your lines so it's easier on the eyes to read your excellent work.break it down into stanzas and you're writing gold here.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanza
well penned, i'd really like to read more from you.
keep'em coming.
23rd Apr 2018 2:28pm
