Stings

I don't want to tell you about my troubles.
It was never you…
It was never you
Your dream changed with every mood
Life spans decided your moons
Your tears were caused by a constant rain cloud hanging over your head
People hurt you because they are evil
And like an angel
You can not be blamed…..
Your pain is much more valuable to concentrate on others
Even if my pain is
That I'm in love with someone I want to hate
But still creates a smile even on my angriest days….
Attention from him is like holding a dream on a cloud being drunk

It was never you
I did not drag you out of the bathroom when you were drunk
Maybe I was wrong to get you out of that taxi to be where you never belonged
No
I don't want to tell you I'm depressed
Cause no one wants to see a grown man cry over missing mothers love.
I never felt you so stop claiming something from this vessel
No
love was crazy
Holding up walls
Recreating a nest calling bees my friend
Because a sting is what I recall love being.
I don't want to tell you about my sisters
The martyr who felt like an outsider
Even when everyone held her close
She felt smothered by love
Fearing affection
Bathing herself with hard hands
Men claiming her world by destroying it
I don't want to tell you about the bitch of a sister with sticky fingers
Hating not having so she kept claiming
The only thing she created is frustrations
Using her beauty to get away with everything while you beat yourself up with graffiti painted stones signed by stupid
Both sisters hating their own reflection
Projected by their mother….
Being loved by them is like puncturing the heart with needles…..

I want to hate them
But I then would hate an empty shell where even air is to blame for the sickness you invoke on yourself
I am not depressed is the story my smile tells….
Since I'm just an outsider looking in on a world with wonderful family ties when mine are just frictions
A dark cloud of I love you’s
pouring down like oil to fire
You don't know empty like I know it..

So I will not tell you how abusive I am
How I break my bones
Rape my subconscious with worries and guilt
Reliving every bad thing I ever did
Convincing myself I deserve all the bad that accompanies me on a path bound to have a light at the end
even if the tunnel is narrowing down by the meters
I will gravel, bruised and broken find my way through
I will not tell you that I have to choke myself to sleep every night in the hope that overnight
empty becomes my enemy
Yes
You rely on that smile of a psychopath
Always holding you because your hurt felt like reliving Armageddon
But this time
We did not miss a thing
Feeling burns
Acid rains
While plunged out of cars
Crashing through concrete
Feeling empty
Next to you
My pain feels like a cushion
Don’t tell me to love
Because i’m tired of feeling stings