i miss you

searching for something i will never find
desperatly clinging to my own misguided despiration
my mind laughs at itself for being foolish
i already knows how it will end

yet i try again.
clinging to any shread of hope
maybe this time is different
maybe this time ill be okay

i dont want to fall again
dont want to meet that side of myself
i dont want to see my eyes glaze over
and have my dreams haunted by visions

so i let go
i let myself hold no emotion
no compassion
i am a shell

inside i can be screeming
it doesnt matter
i left the person i hate take over
watch as a version of myself
fools everyone.

i watch as my skin grows pailer
as my eyes turn darker
and i watch as i lose myself

they speek to me
telling me that its okay now
that im safer with them in control
and i watch as i jump

i watch as i fall...
i watch as i come closer...
i watch as i....