train-smashing

I am a freight train heading for a blocked tunnel.
I am a bullet heading for the impact.
The nothingness is obscured by doubt.
The weight of self-recrimination crushing.
Cowardice foremost the option
Destiny imprinted in red..

I am too scared to come and see you.
I want to curl up into a ball, and forget, disappear, cease to exist - could you offer me this?

My mind is racing and raging, up - down - round & round….
One more nick & I will feel better, only I don’t. I don’t..? I don’t??
There is no hope for me.. even you know that…no hope