deepundergroundpoetry.com
Free
My mind is trapped in an endless torment.
The memories I wish to forget.
With exhausted voice I cry
"I know what happened but why?!
Please, answer my question,
I need some redemption."
As He answers
My mind shatters.
I search for the lost shards
Search every inch, yards and yards.
Days bleed into years
I cannot count my tears.
Impossible to find
The missing pieces of my mind.
I try to hold the rest of the pieces in place.
As I crawl along fully disgraced.
I stumble, I fall.
I let go, of all.
The remaining pieces break apart,
I've lost my mind, my heart.
Do I think? Do I know?
Is this ash? Is this snow?
Alone, in a field of white.
Forgotten, alone in the night.
What happened to me?
I guess I'm finally free.
The memories I wish to forget.
With exhausted voice I cry
"I know what happened but why?!
Please, answer my question,
I need some redemption."
As He answers
My mind shatters.
I search for the lost shards
Search every inch, yards and yards.
Days bleed into years
I cannot count my tears.
Impossible to find
The missing pieces of my mind.
I try to hold the rest of the pieces in place.
As I crawl along fully disgraced.
I stumble, I fall.
I let go, of all.
The remaining pieces break apart,
I've lost my mind, my heart.
Do I think? Do I know?
Is this ash? Is this snow?
Alone, in a field of white.
Forgotten, alone in the night.
What happened to me?
I guess I'm finally free.
Published 17th Feb 2018
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17th Feb 2018 8:32pm
Anonymous
26th Feb 2018 5:33am
Can relate to this so much
Very nicely written
Very nicely written
2nd Apr 2018 9:03am
Zanna I've been very fortunate with an excellent medical team starting right after turning 18yrs, I'm now 49 these answers I to had desperately sought, for me i have maybe 5-6 memories, even the unfractured have memory loss due to dissociation, the body's form of protection. My doctor's told me to much info to fast to soon my mental state could completely collapse. At the time i desperately wanted the void filled now I'm grateful I didn't push it, it gave much needed time to heal enough to better stabilize so I could keep moving ever forward. As far as to why, be honest with yourself, even if someone gave reason why, would that answer satisfy? I realized there was no logical reason on this Earth none what so ever ,I also realized it wasn't my shame to carry I was an innocent child betrayed by the very blood of bond.. this is where I began learning to go easy, being gentle and loving myself, I won't lie it was hardest work I've ever done but well worth all the effort & work I'd done. It was deeply embarrassing but it wasn't mine to own. Excellent spewing of the rancid venom infecting your core. Mad Respect,.
Shadow
Shadow
3rd Apr 2018 2:34am
Challenging words, Shadow. I agree, the question I've asked in this piece is pointless to dwell on. If I were to let myself obsess over this question I would loose my mind. We cannot change the past. We can only control our response to it.
-Zanna
-Zanna
3rd Apr 2018 3:30am
Very wise words, the questions don't magically go away but they do get easier in dismissal of them. Stay kind to yourself, you owe it to yourself. Mad Respect,
me
me
