how not to have an adventure

I have fond memories of this place
on a night like this many years ago
but I'm not the same person
and I'm not sure why I'm out tonight
when I would rather cry alone somewhere quiet
than push myself into conversation amid the ruckus

The music still beats in my blood
but I'm not sure I belong here
I'm not sure I belong anywhere anymore
I've somehow managed to lose myself
and there is no one left to lead me home
to the person I used to know
before I let the world tame me
with all its unwritten rules and expectations

I forgot how to breathe my own lifeblood
I lost my voice somewhere
only loneliness could follow

I have more raw edges
than the ones I file down
for you to see

I am more wild
than my real life lethargy
would have you believe

And tonight leaves me both
nostalgic and lonely
crying into a glass of empty bubbles
wishing I had the courage of my youth
to find adventure in misfortune

© Indie Adams 2018