funeral wishes

daydreams of my death, an obscene comfort,
instincts diseased, feeding filth to my
desensitized mind, it's all i know how to do,
the pettiest crimes leave the biggest wounds
and i'm tired of bleeding for you,
roaches infest and leave their shit
on every deed i concieve to blaspheme your name,
but purity is stubborn and love never leaves
as it echoes its ache through an endless absence,
a deformed vacancy, ever shifting, spilling away
whatever tries to fill it, the only hope
is a numb freeze, a merciful winter falling
on all their racing limbs, ending the sensation
of their alien invasion, a fraud of innocence,
an illusion of white burying the suffering of color,
the heart stays clean but trapped,
paralyzed in its private romance,
never knowing the rot that grows around it,
it can only wonder at what its blood feeds
in a beautiful naivety that can only end with it empty
oblivious to why it can no longer beat