Lost in Your Mind

You have lived half your life knowing me
As my best friend, grandmother to my children      
A Sunday school teacher who taught the little children about  Jesus and how to be.      
           
I dream about you, old friend      
I love you so much      
Because you have Alzheimer's, you will be lost in the dark til the end.      
           
We are so close as daughter and mother and now I can only trust my Lord      
As I watched you trust Him for many years      
Now lost in the dark and your mind carrying God's word.      
           
I say that you are lost in the dark but it is truly I that am  
For I can only watch you grow worse with this terrible disease  
And wish that I could get clarity to understand.  
           
I watch you as you fidget with your clothes and sleep in them  
Never changing or wanting a bath  
I talk to you and give you compassion  
as you repetitively roll up your dress' hem.  
           
I don't understand this wicked disease  
That made you go from an active, healthy person to just a shell     
All I can beg for is that you don't forget me, please.  
           
My heart cries for you, old friend
You taught me so much, opened your
arms and home up to me when I needed you most
And now I am lost, not knowing what to do, how to help,  how to cure you or mend.
           
I am lost, listening to your voice
Asking me questions and remembering the past
I cry because eventually you will not remember and this is not your choice.    
           
So many memories of years gone past  
I miss those days when I could hear you laugh or watch you cook  
My wish would be to go back and make them last.
           
God, I feel so helpless, nothing is up to me  
What can I do? It's just not fair!  
My best friend, how complicated for you it must be.