Losing My Shit

I am one more shitty check---
No matter how hard I bust my ass
Away from imploding
Succumbing to the feeling of
Becoming a hydrogen bomb
Of choked down emotions
And silent, shackled thoughts
Of I Need More
I swear, if something doesn't change
And soon
The fatigue of my inadequecies
Might actually start seeping
Out of my pores
If you can't smell my unhappiness
Coming before you see me
Everyday it becomes more palpable
More tangible
Like an ever tightening fist
Closing around my soul
I am one more
It won't always be like this
From jumping ship
I am drowning in potential
Suffocating in promise
Burning up in ideas
Of what finally having enough
Could feel like
I am losing my shit