Black On My back

When was the last time I felt this way
I am neither depressed nor happy
but I am happy with him

I go about my daily life in a perpetual state of a stagnant haze of sorts
I have no safe footing nearby at a comfortable level
more like a mile and a half away
the half represents the extra inky blackness that forms the clouds over my shoulders
I just go about my daily life as a body taking up space
when will it end?