BEAUTY IN PEE MINOR  (4-10-1990, North Park, San Diego, California; in an unexpected, subtle moment of simple gratitude)

 
 
 
having been sick    
for so very    
very long    
i increasingly    
began    
to see    
and perceive    
in much    
of my life    
and this world    
all around me    
so much more    
beauty and wonder    
in even    
the commonest    
of things    
in somewhat    
peculiar    
untypical ways    
for instance    
upon being    
awakened    
early this morning    
by my bladders    
urgent call    
rising sun shone    
diagonally    
through louvered    
bathroom    
window panes    
as i relaxed    
relieved    
pissed out    
a fluid stream    
of warm      
golden    
liquid diamonds    
in a graceful    
singing arc    
through new    
morning light    
i marvelled    
at the dazzling    
beauty    
of its perfect    
brilliance    
coming    
out of me    
as i passively    
watched    
and listened    
spellbound by its    
watery song    
i slipped into    
a momentary    
daydream    
of a near    
forgotten    
sense of perfection    
which seemed    
perfectly normal    
and common    
back then  
a state    
of being    
my reality    
i once knew    
was and lived    
so long lost    
to me    
now    
though still    
i find myself    
nostalgically longing    
at times    
for my once    
darkly tanned    
youthful skin    
for my lean    
strong    
athletic body    
to return    
to be so    
vibrantly    
so vitally alive    
so dynamically    
healthy again    
following my bliss    
as i did    
throughout    
most my life    
passionately living    
for riding waves    
for blue skies    
seas  sand    
and sun    
intimately communing    
with nature    
in its every    
living  conscious    
form    
breathing in    
its harmony    
with my own    
as one    
a harmony now    
so distantly gone    
which those    
who still    
have it    
mostly the young    
seem largely    
to take for    
granted    
especially when    
they have it    
in spades    
seemingly so    
effortlessly    
each and every    
day and night    
year after year    
a natural birthright    
most are blessed    
with and given    
sadly remains    
only    
a vague memory    
for me today    
which i can    
only vainly crave    
and mournfully    
long for    
so desperately    
here now    
although    
at this point    
in my journey    
after so many    
years    
ive come    
to wear acceptance    
like a thin    
protective    
threadbare coat    
which serves me    
somedays    
somedays not    
as a rare    
saving grace    
in helping    
to emotionally    
and psychologically    
compensate    
for so much    
continuos lack    
and loss    
at least to    
such a degree    
im able to    
find and see    
true beauty    
and wonder    
more and more    
each day    
nearly everywhere    
around me    
in anything    
almost everything    
even just as    
here now    
while standing here    
this morning    
not even    
fully awake    
my mind adrift    
reflectively daydreaming    
while taking    
an urgent leak    
with early mornings    
rising sunlight    
diagonally beaming    
through    
my bathroom    
window s
louvered panes    
im instantly    
entranced    
by the familiar    
tranquil song    
and mesmerizing    
sight    
of the singing    
streaming    
golden arc    
of my sparkling
piss s
beautiful  warm    
diamond flight s
truly wondrous    
sweet release    
into such    
immediately    
satisfying      
sparkling
golden
equally
sweet
relief
as
this