Stained Knuckles

I don't want a sweet love.
I don't want a soft
romance.
I want being fucked
against the wall, bruises beginning on my
shoulders.
I want crying on the bathroom floor
From the pain of your gaze,
From your eyes ignoring
Mine.
I want aching in my heart
From the starvation of your attention
I want shivering, trembling, as you walk
behind me.

I don't want a gentle love
I want pain and agony, a heart
Shattering,
That makes the nights where you hold me
Tenderly,
Where you stroke my skin in
remembrance of
Lust,
All the more ethereal and prized
I want a quivering gasp to release from my lips when you move over me
I want my legs quivering.

I don't want flowers or chocolates
I don't want kisses on the cheek
I want your fingers
Brushing gently through my hair as you growl how
I am yours
I want your lips
Whispering dark things in my ear
as we embrace for the first
 time in months
I want desire turning my heart
To ice, to lava.

I don't want someone who
Makes me content
I want someone who makes every day chaotic
Who makes my heart hurt with anticipation
Who gives me dreams of their touch
That leads to sobs being dragged
From my throat
In the shower at 2am

I didn't want to say
Farewell
To those who promised me warmth
Oaths of beauty and serenity
But the ice gathered
In my veins

And I had to
As
I wanted
Only you.

But I said "Take care" to your "I don't care."
I didn't want to say
That.
I didn't want to say
Goodbye.

But I had to.