deepundergroundpoetry.com
a strangers love
Nervous strains; yet to hear his breath
unrequited affection; never having met
lilliputian flames of red flicker gently above his head
walking lightly on the edge of pure beauty; a complete pledge
and words never spoken; end.
unrequited affection; never having met
lilliputian flames of red flicker gently above his head
walking lightly on the edge of pure beauty; a complete pledge
and words never spoken; end.
Published 2nd Dec 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 532
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
8th Dec 2017 2:19pm
For most of this piece I was captivated, the flow was steady and the thought was strong... The end was rocky but I love "and words never spoken; end"
8th Dec 2017 3:47pm
Thank you, I am proud of this. yet i agree the end was a little bit rough, I got slightly sidetracked but I wanted to finish the poem so I ended with something quick.
23rd May 2019 3:05pm
I believe You could remove the word
and
in the last line
and it might read a wee bit better
and
in the last line
and it might read a wee bit better
8th Dec 2017 4:12pm
I know EXACTLY what you mean, I just revised my poem Betrayed Myself, it was a rant when I wrote it but just finished shaping it hope.
23rd May 2019 3:06pm
