Philophobia

Deep wounds and deep music - my heart's underground
But still it's glowing with love, sometimes I wonder how
A heart this cold freezes and thaws, it knuckles down
Releases it's claws, it's about to change colour now
It's still healing, I've tried to have it patched up
But it's still bleeding, every now and then it acts up
It's still speeding, ever racing til we crash but
The thrill keeps it coming back to tear the track up
Wish I had a brain in my chest, instead of a heart
Coz it'd be better for all if I never could fall
If we could never be together at all
I guess for me it would be better to walk by myself...

I'm philophobic, that's my diagnosis
I'd rather be alone when I'm going through emotions
I'd rather be alone and fall in love with my poems
But I'm hoping I won't be hopeless til I'm old with a heart frozen
Is that wishful thinking? This fear cripples
I feel the tingles and inside I shrivel
The alarms bells are ringing, I hear the siren loud and clear
And remember that I'd be without a fear by myself