a year before

a year before she stood in front of her mirror,
a year before she was lost and broken,
a year before she wasn't a she at all.

they weren't alright.

they lost everyone,
never saw their friends,
was living in isolation.

they loved nothing anymore,
saw hatred everywhere,
from the clouds in the sky,
to the smoke escaping people's mouths as they stood on the sidewalk,
to the endless amount of wine bottles piling in her family's trash bin.

they would count the number of tears on their face before bed every night,
the numbers were increasingly large.

a year before they were exhausted,
they were unsure.

they had no reason to get up in the morning,
no reason to be alive it felt like.

they felt useless,
another fucking person in a crowd of no one.

they cried themself to sleep every night,
they felt so empty,
so breakable,
so confused,
and so so afraid..


a year from then.

shes dried her tears now,
she counts the amount of times she snorts from fits of laughter,
rather than counting the number of tears on her face.

shes got purpose now,
a reason to smile,
a reason to breath,
and so many damn reasons to be alive.

she loves almost everyone she knows,
she lets them in now,
lets people get close,
because she knows they won't hurt her.

she fell in love,
not just with a boy.

she fell in love with the atmosphere around her,
from the dumb jokes her friends made that she laughed and laughed at,
to the sunshine that seemed to never escape her eyes, even on rainy days,
to the light in her loved ones eyes when they saw her.

don't let anyone tell you that a lot can't change in a year,
cause a lot sure changed for me in a year.