3 In the Morning

It was 3 in the morning
wide awake in the dead of night
I cried as I created a list  
comprised of all the ways  
I could end it all  
 
I thought of everything I loved
I thought of my dreams  
and cried over the ones crushed
I realize they can never be rectified  
and I rushed back into the darkness
that awaited inside my broken mind
 
I thought of the reasons why
and I realize being secondary
second choice and never primary
Is not how I wish to die
but I know I will finally come first
once I spill my guts  
all over this floor
 
eliminate myself from the hateful equation
fading away from the prison sentence  
of this fucking earth
 
I will not be secondary anymore
Spilling my guts on this white carpet floor
 
No I will not be secondary anymore
 
Being used and struggling to prove
I am more than just my body and skin
And so to the lowest I stoop
picking my razors so they're sharp and thin
I want to feel their sting along my skin  
I want my blood to spill like paint
all over my fucking skin
 
because my skin is prettier than my soul
my skin is art, my mind is shit  
my skin is just a canvas  
through ink or through scars  
my skin will always be worth more  
than my fucking heart
 
They want to touch it  
and they want to take it
but you cannot take what is destroyed
I'll slice my skin to fucking ribbons
I'll rip off my skin and throw it in a void
 
it's not worth shit once I'm embalmed  
and they put me in the fucking dirt
 
Don't lie and say I'm beautiful
just to try and get in my mind
Don't lie and say I'm beautiful
so you can take my body  
and waste my time
 
Because it was 3 in the morning
when I thought of how much  
I just wanted to die
 
It was 3 in the fucking morning..  
 
What is life but the need
to reproduce so your genes live on
when you finally keel over like a dead fly?
what is life but endlessly dealing in
yours and everyone elses lies?
what is life but constant struggle and pain?
what is life but just surviving  
another fucking day?
 
and I'm so tired of crying..  
I'd only be lying if I said I was alright
 
See..  
I've been told love is a lie
and so I breathe that belief  
right into my bones
happiness is as fleeting as my will to live
but if love is not a lie
and if love is based on happiness  
then I'm happy in my love of wanting to die
 
Because.. it was 3 in the morning
 
you used me in ways I couldn't refuse
I let you take my mind and enter my heart
I let you reach past my skin
and tear me apart
 
A lesson was learned with every word  
and every lie that you ever spoke
A lesson was learned wherever your hands
marked their lust upon my flesh
A lesson was learned  
that my mind is shit, my mind is weak
when I open it's doors  
and let you use it for your endless greed
 
and now my doors are closed
you can't touch me anymore
I will destroy my flesh
watch the blood roll off my tattered skin
on this white carpet floor
 
And now my doors are finally closed
Just know it will be 3 in the morning
when I spill my blood and overdose