You and I

I hate myself for wanting a chance that I’ll never get. I know that I have prior damages that I’m not over yet. Depression is a killer, and I’m a time bomb. When you talk to me, I wonder what you’re wasting your words on. You can make me smile with just one word, but still, I feel stuck in a cage like a song bird. When you first met me, I was strung out. I seemed to have had my life together, just to be heading south. I’m trying to get better, and I’m trying to show it. I think I’m better gone, I feel like no one would notice. For a good span there, I was just a drunk, and I’m sorry that I made you deal with that fucked up punk. Yeah, I’m still beating myself up. I’m 20 days free of a drink, and 145 free of tweak. I’m sorry if my emotions were running, and coming on too strong, I just don’t know how to do this, and I know that I’m doing it wrong. I consistently feel like I let everyone down when I focus on myself, trying not to drown. I’m sorry for feeling a little more like I’m human when I speak to you, I mean, for feeling at all like humans do. I’m on borrowed time, so what a time to be alive... I know there’s no need to apologize. I want to improve, and not just for you, but you play a big part; you and your golden heart.