Periodical

Sometimes I wonder if your as sad as I imagine you to be. Sitting alone and thinking about all of your regrets. And a part of me hopes it’s even more painful then just that. That it’s a wrenching pain in your heart that haunts you in the back of your head at every moment of your life. Like the way you words haunt me.
Sometimes I wish you knew the pain I held for you. The pain that masked itself as normality but really it was a disease you infected me with since childhood.
Sometimes I hope it sickens you.
Sometimes I hope it’s worse.
Sometimes I wonder how I could have been so confused. You were my best friend, right? Because best friends don’t help you build walls and secretly plant bombs inside so that later you watch me fall apart. Right? You watched me tear myself down. You watched me pick myself apart.
Sometimes I hope all of this finds you someday. Hope these words fill your head with all the doubt, all the pain, all the hatred that you filled me with.
Sometimes I hope it’s even worse.