Forgive Not Forget

Left to ponder if I am right, which way is wrong?
Begging on my knees for the guidance I can't find
Now everywhere I am feels like a place I don't belong
Twenty years of emptiness slams shut an open mind

Seduced by the denial rising in my ardent head
Embracing the gray area and what lies within
Reaching for straws to suck up all the pabulum said
As the thirst for truth smacks of a delicious sin

Wanting to believe to oppose hatred's pompous zeal
Hoping deep inside, I'm the one he will forgive
Accepting rabid views far from how I truly feel
Wishing to forget my prayers of who should no longer live